Ain’t Too Proud to Beg

Have you ever had a day when you weren’t your best self? A day when you said things that should not have been thought, much less said out loud? Yesterday was my day.

I would like to blame it on Covid isolation, no exercise, and/or symptoms of SAD, but the truth is, I truly do not know what came over me. It was as if I was possessed by a demon that was spewing ugliness rivalling the Exorcist. Worse yet, I was sharing my venomous thoughts with a friend through texts. Thank God she’s a trusted confidante who will forgive me (and delete the texts) without asking for ransom.

I’ve decided to put myself in time out for a hot second to reconsider this colossal melt down. Was I dehydrated? Did I need sleep? Do I have Tourette’s? I can say, with all honesty, I don’t even recognize the person I became last night. (I’m finding hope in that realization.) Yes, I can be funny, and No, that is not my usual MO, but the fact that I tumbled down that rabbit hole with lightening speed scares me. Truth be told, it wasn’t really a tumble, it was more like being shot out of a cannon.

And so, first and foremost, I beg forgiveness from those poor souls I was maligning. Thankfully, they will never know, but I owe them my sincere apology. (I am, after all, Catholic, so imagine the guilt!) My second mea culpa goes to my friend on the receiving end of those texts. Ain’t nobody got time for that (even if it did make you laugh). Lastly, I beg forgiveness of myself. It may take me a minute to get over this nightmare, but I think that’s a good thing. I don’t ever want to wake up and feel this way again.