Bygones

Many, many years ago, I heard this in a movie and it seared into my brain: “You may be done with your past, but your past isn’t done with you.”

I came face-to-face with that reality, once again, last week. Forty years ago, my husband and I divorced; it was not an amicable dissolution. I’m pleased to say civility returned over the years and we were able to celebrate our children’s accomplishments and gbabes’ milestones harmoniously. A few years ago, I even added he and his wife to my morning prayers as his health declined and his wife faced difficult decisions regarding his well-being.

Last week, my children received a call from their stepmom letting them know their dad had died quite unexpectedly. For the next few days, there were texts, calls, and a multitude of decisions to be made. I will be forever grateful for her kindness in considering their feelings while making arrangements and choosing songs that held special memories for them.

If your parents are divorced, regardless of your age or theirs, you know the delicate juxtaposition of blended families. My children have navigated those tumultuous waters most of their lives. Yet, it came as no surprise that they were gracious and kindhearted these past few weeks. I think back to the contentious behaviors their father and I exhibited for years and know that despite our worst selves, they are a much wiser, more empathetic version of their parents and I could not be more proud.