WORDS TO LIVE BY

It happened, again, the other day. Someone was telling me about her husband’s unrelenting pain. When I suggested he consider palliative care, she replied, “Oh, no, he’s not dying; he’s just in a lot of pain.” And that’s when I knew it was time for another PSA.

Palliative Care is one of the most misunderstood medical options available. I would venture to say most people think palliative care and hospice are synonymous – they are not. Palliative care is a specialty available to anyone with a serious illness, regardless of age or diagnosis. A palliative team consists of a physician, nurse, social worker, and chaplain. The goal of palliative care is to ameliorate a patient’s physical, emotional, and/or spiritual symptoms. Palliative care services are in addition to traditional medical management of an illness. Patients may continue to seek aggressive care such as surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, etc., while receiving palliative care. Medicare, Medicaid, and most private insurers cover palliative care costs.

I think the best way to describe hospice is to explain it is a subset of palliative care. Like palliative care, hospice includes physicians, nurses, social workers, and chaplains. In addition, hospice volunteers are available to provide companionship for patients, and a brief respite for caregivers. Hospice can be provided in a patient’s home, nursing home, outpatient hospice facility, and in some instances, a hospital. In addition to the medical team, hospice provides equipment such as a hospital bed, oxygen, and wheelchairs. Medications related to the terminal diagnosis and for symptom management are also provided by hospice.

Patients with a life expectancy of six months or less are “hospice appropriate,” regardless of their age or diagnosis. The good news is there’s no penalty if you live too long. Patients are re-certified every 90 days. As long as the disease is progressing as expected, and the patient is not pursuing aggressive treatment, hospice continues. Bereavement services are also available for the patient’s family and continue for 13 months. Hospice services are covered 100% by Medicare, Medicaid, and most private insurers.

During my time in palliative care, I heard the same statements repeatedly: “I had no idea something like this existed,” and “I wish I would have known about this sooner.” I continue to advocate for palliative services every chance I get. Often, it takes the patient/family asking their physician about palliative care before it is initiated.

For those considering hospice, I have known many patients who lived longer, and certainly better, foregoing aggressive treatment and focusing on symptom management and quality of life rather than quantity of days. If you would like more information, please reach out to https://www.nhpco.org. If you want to make sure your wishes are honored, complete an Advance Directive, your family will thank you.

If you know me, you know I love football. Football season is often the highlight of my year, or at least among my top 5 faves. Life without football would be meh!

I think football offers a lot of life lessons even if you don’t like the game. The importance of teamwork is paramount to football. An efficient, well-coached team is like a symphony; it takes every player performing at their best to be successful. Football also teaches the importance of cooperation. The players must depend on each other through good times and bad. No one gets to quit or give up just because the game’s not going well.

This week was a big week in football. Aaron Rogers, a long-time Packers qb, was starting for the NY Jets. The hype was off the charts. For almost a year, the media covered every aspect of his transition. The team practiced diligently to accommodate Rogers’ style and abilities. The fans had high hopes they would finally have a winning team. (It’s been a minute since Joe Namath was on the field.) Then it happened, four plays into his debut, Aaron Rogers got hurt and is out for the rest of the season. And just like that, despair set in for Jets fans around the world.

Once again, football imitates life. We can study, practice, and do everything right, and still not achieve success. Likewise, you can be the back-up qb that few people have ever heard of and lead the team to victory. Never underestimate anyone; everyone has unique gifts.

Last year, we watched as a player experienced a cardiac event on the field. What had been touted as “the game of the year” suddenly became a profound reminder that life is fragile. Thankfully, the player recovered. Hopefully, the millions who witnessed the event remember to cherish every heartbeat.

I’m not much for watching television, but for the next five months, I will be tuned into as many games as possible and thoroughly enjoying the greatest show on turf! (IYKYK)

Go Chiefs!

🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈

‘Age before beauty’ used to be something that was said when holding the door for someone or when letting them move in front of you in line. Although often accompanied by a nicety, the premise was an either/or proposition. You were either old or pretty, but you couldn’t be both.

I’m reminded that I’m aging on the daily. I’m watching an amazing Netflix documentary about centenarians entitled Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones, and I’m taking notes. During one of the episodes, I was informed the average life expectancy for women is 78 and I started counting…7 more years. Jimmy Buffet died last week at the age of 76…5 more years. I certainly hope I beat the “average,” but I’m painfully aware there’s no guarantee.

Against all odds, I’m happy to say I am finding the beauty in aging. I will be the first to admit I’m not one for celebrating birthdays, or for being told, “You look good for your age.” That said, as I age, I am finding beauty in the simplest of things. A bluebird sky in Colorado is a sky like none other. I will stop my morning run, mid stride, to breathe in the scent of a lilac bush. I appreciate the luxury of reading an entire book over the course of a weekend without guilt or shame. I say “Yes” to more invites from friends, and I cherish family dinners.

I wish I could say I don’t worry anymore; let’s just say I worry a lot less than I used to. My memory isn’t as sharp as days of yore, but given enough time, I usually remember whatever it is I forgot. Even that is a gift of aging. I once had a mind like a steel trap, and every unpleasant memory, hurtful comment, or disappointment could be revisited at a moment’s notice. I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of forgetfulness and the fact that it’s time to let that sh*t go.

I’ve found a church that feeds my soul, and my reliance on faith has grown exponentially. I can meditate, pray, and be present with others without having to worry about time constraints. Pretty much, my time is my own…how wonderful is that?! Once again, the beauty of aging. Don’t get me wrong. Would I love a do-over? Absolutely. Would I like to be 30, or 40, or 50 again? You bet. Since those ships have sailed, I know my best option is to be grateful for my health, my family, friends and faith, and whatever years I’m blessed with in the future.

John Mayer says, “If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just, Congratulations about your face.” I’ll take aging and loving over pretty any day.

I haven’t been exercising much lately for a number of reasons. First, it’s been 2000 degrees outside. Second, my pacemaker needs to be replaced. Third, let’s be honest, those are just excuses. I haven’t been exercising much lately because I just didn’t feel like it.

During my sabbatical from exercise, I’ve noticed several things:
I’m not sleeping well,
My clothes are getting smaller,
The employees at local fast food restaurants know me by name,
I’m just plain blah,
I am exhausted from doing nothing.

I finally had a serious talk with myself and said, “Self, enough is enough.”

Here’s my plan:
If I can’t run, I can walk,
If I can’t lift heavy, I can lift light,
I will exercise or stretch every day, even when I don’t want to,
I will not go on a strict diet, give up the foods I love, or shame myself if I have a Diet Pepsi (girl’s got to live),
I will not let a number on the scale define me,
I will not have unrealistic expectations or expect to be fit as a fiddle by next Thursday (even fiddles have to be tuned occasionally).

Here’s what I know for sure, I will feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally when I return to a healthy lifestyle. So here’s to a swift kick in the butt and dogged determination. I’ll keep you posted.

Health is wealth!

This month on The Problem With Perfect podcast, Robin and I created a series about the many mental health issues students are experiencing. During each episode, we interviewed counseling specialists who shared insight into the world of tweens and teens. The information shared by the professionals was daunting:

Disordered eating can begin as early as 10 years of age; 1 in 5 teens diagnosed with an eating disorder will complete suicide,
Anxiety, depression, and perfectionism are epidemics in the tween/teen population,
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10 to 14 and the third leading cause of death among 15-to-24-year-olds,
In the U.S., 20 young people die by suicide every day,
Social media has become an addiction resulting in loneliness, sleep deprivation, isolation, and poor body image.

Although the statistics were staggering, parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, and communities were offered these recommendations:
Listen with love and patience,
Don’t be afraid to bring up the tough topics,
Get involved,
Recognize that times have changed since you were in school,
Check in often.

We also went straight to the source and spoke with a high school freshman, a high school senior, and a college freshman who offered these pearls of wisdom:
It’s okay for parents to be strict,
If you respect teachers, they will respect you,
Use a planner and don’t wait until the last minute to complete assignments,
Doing well in school creates life skills that will be beneficial as an adult,
Send money.

Although this may seem like a shameless plug for the podcast, it is not. We were overwhelmed by the information gleaned. I hope you will take a few minutes to listen and to share these episodes. If not for you, do it for your loved ones, students, athletes, and community. You might just save a life.

I’ve been wasting a lot of time lately. Not just a minute or two, but hours, and sometimes entire days spent doing whatever I dang well please. Although I’ve had to work hard to resist the guilt that sometimes creeps in during these forays into leisure, laziness, call it what you will, it’s getting easier by the day.

Why is it that wasting time feels shameful rather than sensible? Where in the Book of Humans does it say we must be busy at all times? When did having every moment scheduled become the norm rather than the exception?

The women in my family (and most of my dear friends) share a propensity for busyness. Call it hereditary, birds of a feather, whatever. We all seem to be afflicted with the silly notion that pursuit and purpose trump (not that trump) time spent doing absolutely nothing. I’m here to break the cycle.

I realize I have the luxury of time. I’m retired (kind of). I don’t work outside the home, and my kids are grown. If you are reading this and you aren’t in that season of life, fear not, it will happen, and usually much sooner than you expected.

Here are some suggestions for wasting time courtesy of someone who’s getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself:

Block off one day a week to do nothing
If an entire day is impossible, block off one hour (baby steps)
If necessary, hide in a closet for a minute and take 3 deep breaths in silence
Sit on your deck or porch and watch the sun rise and/or set
Resist the urge to say “Yes” to requests for your time
Watch hummingbirds – they are nature’s way of reminding us to stop every once in a while for sustenance and self-care.

I’m embarrassed to admit how many times I’ve watched the Netflix series Quarterback. So much inspiration and so many pearls of wisdom. Thankfully, this guilty pleasure got me to today…the first preseason NFL game.

In one of the episodes, Kirk Cousins recalls a conversation whereby someone told him, “It’s good to be uncomfortable.” That statement has stayed with me for weeks. And so, I spent a little time thinking about being uncomfortable this year.

I was uncomfortable accepting my friend, Robin’s, invitation to co-host The Problem With Perfect podcast. I am definitely a work in progress.

I finally got Covid which was positively uncomfortable. I had convinced myself I was some kind of medical miracle when years had gone by without contracting the dreaded plague. No such luck!

It was uncomfortable being at a funeral I never imagined I would attend. That said, it was nice to see old friends and to be there to support my kids and gbabes.

I watched the CrossFit Games last weekend and was incredibly uncomfortable watching the Adaptive athletes compete. It was not their disabilities that made me uncomfortable, rather, the fact that I have absolutely no excuse for not exercising on the daily. Those athletes are incredible.

I am fundraising and learning Hindi for an upcoming mission trip to India. Everything about that sentence is uncomfortable, yet I cannot wait.

I’m sure there are some uncomfortable moments yet to come but my track record, thus far, is encouraging. I hope you will take a few minutes to consider where, how, or why you’ve been uncomfortable this year, and how you succeeded despite that discomfort.

“Always remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved more than you know.” Winnie the Pooh

Last Friday, I called the gbabes to see if they wanted to go to the movies to see Oppenheimer. What teenage boys wouldn’t want to see a movie about war and bombs and stuff? Much to my surprise, the 16-year-old replied, “I’d rather see Barbie.” His 14-year-old brother agreed, so off we went.

I’ll admit I was a bit confused about their choice. The oldest gbabe is a gamer and the youngest plays heavy metal on guitar. When they were little, they liked Thomas the Train, Legos, and monster trucks. Neither owned a Barbie nor expressed a desire to have one. Thus, their interest in seeing the movie intrigued me.

As we were driving to the show, I asked, “Why Barbie?” Imagine my surprise shock when they explained, “Mimi, this isn’t about the doll, it’s about patriarchy, women’s rights, equality, and discrimination.” Silly me.

After the movie, the conversation on the drive home was equally telling. They noticed that in Barbie land, the President of the US, all members of the Supreme Court, and every occupation was occupied by females, and they wondered aloud how long it would be before that became a reality. (Been wondering that myself!) They also found it interesting that, “the guys in the movie were kinda dumb” until they went to the real world and “took over all the jobs the women had in Barbie land even though they weren’t as qualified or as smart.” Outta the mouths of gbabes!

I could not be more impressed with these gents. You can say what you want about our schools failing the next generation, but the 16-year-old explained he had studied Oppenheimer “all last year in history class.” Although world history is a valuable part of education, I was more encouraged by the fact they both knew about patriarchy, discrimination, and inequality. Those are the people I want helping women run the world in years to come.

I’m thinking I should buy each of them a Barbie so they don’t forget.

My mom is a member of a church in a rural town in the Midwest. During a recent conversation, she shared news about a project her church initiated. She was proud to explain the church had established a residence for homeless individuals needing shelter and support. The initiative will also provide occupational and life skills training. How cool is that?!

What an amazing gift for those less fortunate. The pandemic, addiction, and mental health issues have drastically impacted the lives of so many individuals and their families. The fact that the members of this church took it upon themselves to make a difference is inspiring.

I’m not one to quote the Bible, because, quite frankly, I know very little about what’s in the Bible. When I went to parochial school, we were discouraged from reading the Bible for fear we would misinterpret it. Those crazy Catholics!! However, there is a passage I am familiar with, Matthew 25:35-37.

Individually, it’s hard to know how and who to help. Collectively, the sky’s the limit. If you belong to a faith community, consider implementing a similar initiative. If you can, volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank. Donate clothes to charitable organizations. Participate in a food drive. Everyone can do something.

Somewhere in the Bible I think it says, “Well done, good and faithful servant” but don’t quote me on that.

Why is it so hard to ask for help? Do we really think we can have it all, do it all, and be all that without a little help? Come on now!

I don’t think we were meant to be a one-man band. It takes 50-80 musical instruments to create a symphony. There are 55 members of each NFL team (not to mention coaches, trainers, etc.). A baseball game consists of 9 players on each team (and a great grounds crew). And although, we saw an historic performance by Nikola Jokiƈ this year, he was quick to point out “it took whole team” to make the NBA Championship a reality.

If you truly think you did it all by yourself, think again. I’ve never met a “self-made” individual. I’ve met several who thought they were, but no one does it alone. Family, friends, coaches, antagonists, nay-sayers, teachers – there is always someone that helped make it happen – whatever it was. Whether you are a celebrity, sports star, or average Joe/Josie, someone helped get you where you are today.

We never know the difference we make in the lives of others. One word of encouragement, one extra minute to demonstrate a skill or hold the door, one moment of patience and understanding – our ability to help another human is ubiquitous. And, usually, it doesn’t cost a dime.

If you need help, just ask. If you have help to give, just do it. We are all just walking each other home!