WORDS TO LIVE BY

Many, many years ago, I heard this in a movie and it seared into my brain: “You may be done with your past, but your past isn’t done with you.”

I came face-to-face with that reality, once again, last week. Forty years ago, my husband and I divorced; it was not an amicable dissolution. I’m pleased to say civility returned over the years and we were able to celebrate our children’s accomplishments and gbabes’ milestones harmoniously. A few years ago, I even added he and his wife to my morning prayers as his health declined and his wife faced difficult decisions regarding his well-being.

Last week, my children received a call from their stepmom letting them know their dad had died quite unexpectedly. For the next few days, there were texts, calls, and a multitude of decisions to be made. I will be forever grateful for her kindness in considering their feelings while making arrangements and choosing songs that held special memories for them.

If your parents are divorced, regardless of your age or theirs, you know the delicate juxtaposition of blended families. My children have navigated those tumultuous waters most of their lives. Yet, it came as no surprise that they were gracious and kindhearted these past few weeks. I think back to the contentious behaviors their father and I exhibited for years and know that despite our worst selves, they are a much wiser, more empathetic version of their parents and I could not be more proud.

I have a friend I used to speak with regularly, like every week or two. We stayed in touch through good times and bad, sickness and fitness, and all the times in between. We are kindred spirits despite distance and time zones. That was, until this year.

It had not escaped me that there had been radio silence for months. I texted numerous times and even actually called, all to no avail. I wondered and worried, “Why the silence?” Try as I might, and believe me, I tried, absolutely nothing came to mind. Sometimes I was mad; I thought our relationship was important to both of us. Sometimes I was sad; I missed my friend. Most of the time I was puzzled and confused. In all of our 35 year friendship, never had we gone months without speaking.

Finally, I did a thing. I sat down and wrote a letter. I shared my concern and asked for an explanation. I explained I was more than willing to apologize if I had offended, I just needed to know how and what I could do to resolve the issue. It felt good to be taking an active step toward resolution, whether or not I received a response. At least I had quit ruminating.

It was a few weeks before I received a response, but what a response it was. My friend could not have been more apologetic and explained that “absolutely nothing could ever sever our relationship.” She also shared that she and her entire family had been afflicted with Covid, one after the other, but never at the same time. Can you imagine 3 months of continuous Covid? Her mother-in-law has become a long-hauler and a permanent resident in their home. One of her children is making college visits, another will be “lucky if she graduates from high school,” and a third is in therapy for depression. All three kids play sports and have active social lives. It was the proverbial Christmas letter on steroids.

Although I was terribly sorry to hear her life is currently a “shitshow” (her words not mine), I was unbelievably relieved to learn it wasn’t me or anything I had done that created the chasm. I was reminded that sometimes life gets in the way and no one is at fault. Sometimes it’s just too hard to tell one more person the same sad story, and sometimes silence is all that’s left. I can relate.

The lessons for me in all of this were monumental. The amount of time I spent wondering, worrying, hypothesizing, and second-guessing was significant, and to no avail. When I sent the letter, I knew there was a chance I would not get a reply, and that was okay. At least I had stopped the mental anguish and taken action – the only things I could control.

For the past few years I have intermittently participated in a fitness challenge called 75 Hard. The premise of the program is straightforward and specific. There’s really nothing outrageous involved other than the 75 part.

For 75 consecutive days:
Perform two 45-minute workouts each day, one of which must be done outdoors
Take a progress picture
Read 10 pages of a self-help book
Drink 1 gallon of water
Follow a diet
No cheat meals or alcohol…
FOR 75 DAYS!

If you miss a day or one of the activities, you have to go back to Day 1. I’ve started over more times than I’ve completed the program, but I’m proud to say I’ve had some successes, too.

I love a fitness challenge and I find this program physically, mentally, and spiritually rewarding. The discipline it takes to complete all 7 tasks on the daily is the hardest part for me. I’ve been known to get out of bed at 10pm because I forgot to take a progress picture. I’m also very familiar with the consequences of not getting a gallon of water consumed before 3pm. Suffice it to say, I should have counted all the nocturnal trips to the loo as exercise.

Physically, two 45 minute workouts a day come easily. I count walking my pup for 45 minutes as one; the other 45 minutes are spent either running, swimming, or lifting…activities I love.

Spiritually, I choose self-help books that feed my soul. I love anything written by the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hanh, or Anne Lamott. On the occasions that I completed all 75 days, I read at least 3 books during that time.

The mental piece is the hardest for me. It takes a hella determination for me to make it 75 days straight. Sometimes life (or Covid) gets in the way. A few months ago, I was on day 40 but headed out of town for a week. I was proud of myself for getting that far but knew to continue the program while visiting friends would jeopardize my time with them. Friends come first. (Evidently its true that one gets wiser with age.) Nonetheless, when I returned, I started over. A friend suggested I pick up where I left off. I explained Catholic guilt would get the best of me for cheating.

I watch my children, nieces, and nephews setting excellent fitness examples for their children and other littles and I’m inspired by their emphasis on healthy living. What a wonderful way to spend time as a family while modeling exercise as fun. Hiking, biking, swimming, skating, skiing…the list is endless.

A dear friend’s dad used to say: “Most people rust out before they wear out.” It may take a whole lot of Advil and Biofreeze but I’m up for the challenge.

💪💪💪

A few years ago, a friend and I took a road trip throughout Colorado. We went here, there, and everywhere. We saw the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park, Crested Butte, Summit Lake Park, and Mt. Evans, just to name a few of the many sites. I wouldn’t begin to guess how many pictures we took along the way.

Upon our return, my friend asked, “What do you do with your pictures?” To which I replied, “I just leave them on my phone.” To which she replied, “You should get a digital picture frame.” To which I replied, “You mean like the one I got for Christmas 2 years ago and never opened because I don’t know how to set it up?”

Long story short, after about 15 minutes at the most, she had my digital picture frame set up and loaded with pictures from my phone. I am so grateful for her encouragement. My digital picture frame is one of my most treasured possessions. Since our original download, I’ve added hundreds more. At last check, the frame has 518 photos downloaded. There are pictures of my kids, gbabes, family, friends, flowers, trees, and quotes. Some pics are of favorite people who are no longer with us, and some are of favorite people living life to the fullest. I have pics of special events and every day happenings. I keep the frame in my kitchen where I pass by it several times a day. I don’t think there’s a day when I don’t stop and smile at whatever random pic is being displayed.

My friend has given me lots of valuable advice over the years, but none more appreciated than the digital picture frame. IYKYK. If not, I highly recommend purchasing one at your earliest convenience. You will not be disappointed, I promise.

I thought I was invincible. Actually, I thought I was a medical miracle with immunity the CDC would want to research and replicate. No offense, but I was pretty sure I was the next Henrietta Lacks. (IYKYK)

For three years, everyone around me succumbed to Covid. I have friends who have actually had Covid multiple times. Not me. I took every vaccine and booster available and remained bullet-proof. (My friends took every vaccine and booster too, and still got Covid, but I didn’t let that deter me from thinking I was the exception to the rule.) I will, however, admit to taking countless tests over the years. A random cold, headache, or hangnail would necessitate a test, but nada, they were always false alarms. Until February 26, 2023.

I came home from a trip and immediately became sicker than I’ve been in a long, long time. Ironically, I didn’t even think to test for Covid; I was pretty sure I had typhoid fever or malaria. For about 36 hours, I thought I might not survive (slight exaggeration). The details are boring but the illness was not. There didn’t seem to be a single part of my body that wasn’t affected. The fact that I did not check for Covid was, no doubt, due to my delirium. Finally, the thought dawned on me, “I wonder if this is Covid?” And just like that, my reign as Queen of the Strongest Immune System Known to Womankind had come to an end.

PSA: “Research shows nearly 100% of planes have Covid in their wastewater after any given flight, which means at least one person on the plane is Covid-positive.”

It’s almost here…the day I’ve been waiting for since November 6…one hundred and twenty five long and bitter days to be exact.

Tomorrow when we wake up, the sun will shine longer, the days will be warmer, and life will be brighter. Running will be easier without wearing 3 layers of clothes and there will be no more ice patches to avoid or frozen snot to contend with. Bike rides will include warm breezes instead of artic blasts. Hikes will showcase the first signs of Spring, waterfalls will be flowing, and there will be tulips and daffodils aplenty. It’s almost time for picnics, swimming, and shows at Red Rocks.

Those ghastly winter coats will be hung in the back of the closet to be replaced with sundresses, swimsuits, and shorts. Luckily, the boys in middle school and high school won’t have to change their wardrobe at all since they’ve been wearing shorts sans coats all winter. 😒

We are about to embark upon the absolute most wonderful, beautiful, fantastic, amazing, time of the year, and if you could not tell, I’m so excited!😎

I must admit, I had no idea exactly what “Live an Examined Life” meant. As so often happens, I heard the phrase three different times, from three different sources, within a short span of time. I believe that’s a sign to pay attention, and not to ignore the Universe’s gentle nudge. I did not realize the effort would take so long, create more questions than answers, and result in some serious introspection. I don’t know that I ever discovered the true definition; it seems everyone has their own interpretation which makes perfect sense given the topic.

I started the process in my usual way looking up the definition of examine. Oxford says, “Inspect (someone or something) in detail to determine their nature or condition; investigate thoroughly.” That resulted in an honest, thought-provoking exploration of my past and present personhood. Next, I turned to Mr. Google. Boy did that open a panacea of options. There were witty sayings, proverbs, Pinterest posts, and tee-shirts adorned with Live an Examined Life. Still, none seemed to resonate with me. Eventually, I decided to create my own definition:

Live an Examined Life – the ability to be present in each moment; to practice kindness and gratitude toward self and others; do no harm; comfort the suffering; adopt an accepting, non-judgmental attitude toward self and others; recognize the fragility of life; be better; make the most of every day.

I realize my definition is a bit wordy and won’t fit on the tee-shirts I see at the mall. Neither is it likely to appear on a Pinterest board or a motivational poster. Nonetheless, it works for me. As someone who has more years behind them than in front of them, I want to spend the rest of my days examining my life through a wide-angle lens. I want the time left to matter and to know, somewhere down the road, I will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I lost my phone the other day and I was surprised how quickly panic set in. At first, I assured myself all I had to do was use the house phone to call it…until I remembered I don’t have a house phone anymore. Then I realized I could have my daughter call it…until I remembered I would need a phone to call her to ask her to call it. I was hoping someone would call but remembered it was on Do Not Disturb and the ringer was silenced. By now you’re getting the picture.

I’m good about the monthly backup option on the Cloud so I knew all was not lost…just the phone. Then I remembered I had also lost my calendar, contacts, tickets to concerts, and the ability to text. My greatest concern, other than the phone, was the list of passwords I keep in Notes. The thought of having to reset all new passwords put me into hyper hysteria.

For the past year, I’ve been working hard at not being so attached to my phone. I don’t take it everywhere, I don’t always answer it just because it rings, and I place it on Do Not Disturb from 9pm to 7am. The idea of being constantly tethered is unappealing to me. I’m old enough to remember when the phone was on the wall, not in your pocket, and I truly believe those were simpler times.

Long story short, after hours of searching, I found it under a pile of papers in my study that needed to be filed (a further discussion about my organizational skills is pending).

Lessons learned:
Print out the password Note and concert tickets
Create a Google calendar on my laptop that syncs to my phone (no small feat)
Thank St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things.

Be forewarned, I’m about to climb up on my soapbox and disclose some unpleasantness. My intent is not to judge or offend. I am merely sharing my observations in hopes of encouraging everyone to do better, myself included.

I am befuddled by the lack of politeness in today’s society. What happened to common courtesy? When did people stop saying “Excuse me” when they pass in front of another person or bump into someone? When did thank you notes become obsolete? And if writing a note isn’t possible (?), could you at least text me so I know you received the gift?

Unless you’re at the doctor’s office and asked to “open wide,” no one wants to see your tonsils when you yawn. And speaking of, didn’t your parents teach you not to talk with your mouth full? Above all else, please, please, cover your sneeze!

I know I sound like a crabby crone and, honestly, I don’t care. Then again, maybe that’s the point – people don’t seem to care. It used to be customary to thank someone who bestowed a compliment. There was also a time when business owners would thank customers for their patronage. When people ask favors or make a request, isn’t it polite to acknowledge it when the favor or request is delivered?

I’m afraid the pandemic has resulted in a rudeness epidemic. Maybe people spent so much time alone, they’ve forgotten the basics: “Please, thank you, you’re welcome, I appreciate you….” I’m hoping this epidemic won’t last long or require a vaccine.

I’m a list maker. If it needs to be done, it goes on the list. If I need to buy it at the grocery store, it goes on the list. Birthdays, anniversaries, and special occasions I want to acknowledge go on the list. I love making lists and I especially cherish scratching items off the list when the task is complete.

This year, along with all my other To-Do lists, I’ve decided to make a To-Don’t list. I have a tendency to set unrealistic expectations for myself, although, the goals seemed perfectly reasonable at the time. I mean, doesn’t everyone want to lose 5 pounds by Friday, eat their body weight in protein every day, and read a book a week?

In an effort to keep evolving and becoming my best self, here’s my To-Don’t list:

Don’t procrastinate – do it and be done with it
Don’t multi-task – it’s bad for your brain
Don’t judge – enough said
Don’t be afraid to try new things – you may end up co-hosting a podcast
Don’t worry about money – strive for financial serenity not financial security (Is there really such a thing?)
Don’t do 50 bulgarian split squats – trust me
Don’t whine – ^^^^
Don’t quit until you’re finished – if it was easy everyone would do it
Don’t road rage – those crazy mother-truckers may have a gun
Don’t compare – everyone is tall, thin, successful and happy on Facebook
Don’t expect the Broncos to win the Super Bowl – yet
Don’t order Girl Scout cookies if you gave up sweets for Lent – happens every year
Don’t ignore the Check Engine light – ever
Don’t forget to be grateful.


What are you NOT doing this year?