The Big D

Several of my friends are getting divorced. Been there, done that, twice.

My first divorce was ages ago; it was an epic battle. We made 11 Court appearances in 18 months, followed by annual Court appearances for the next 10 years. I won’t bore you with the details but suffice it to say it was a “NASTY” divorce.

Fast forward thirty years later, and I found myself in that situation again. After my first divorce, I was fond of saying, “I may end up a widow in prison, but I’m never getting another divorce.” Turns out that was an idle threat. Although I had jokingly suggested prison was preferable to divorce, there came a time when my well-being meant more than the stigma of being twice divorced. The good news is, I was older and wiser the second time around. From the very beginning, I set an intention to be kind and gracious. No matter what was said or done, I was determined to walk away with my head held high and my dignity intact. Kindness and graciousness became my mantra. I can’t say I was 100% successful but it was a far cry from my previous experience.

I don’t wish divorce on anyone. It is often a gut-wrenching experience. The children suffer, both wife and husband suffer, extended family suffers, friends suffer, and the only winners are the attorneys. I’m glad mediation is now part of the process, especially when children are involved. If there is any way to part amicably, that’s a win for everyone. When asked, and only when asked, I often suggest setting an intention, even if you must tattoo it on your hand as a reminder.

Kindness & Graciousness