WORDS TO LIVE BY

What does it cost to be kind? Our time, attention, common courtesy? Now more than ever, kindness seems to be one of the few things we can control AND it’s free. How great is that?!

We all have the same 24 hours. How we spend those precious moments is up to us. Sometimes, kindness is as simple as sending a text telling someone we are thinking of them. Other times, it may be a phone call to offer support. I recently received a ‘thank you’ card from a client and it made my day. Actually, I have it on my kitchen counter, and I smile every time I see it.

The gift of our undivided attention is another form of kindness. Multi-tasking seems to be taking over the world. Silencing our phones, making eye contact, and listening to understand, not respond are all ways to demonstrate kindness. The solitary act of being present with someone is invaluable.

Let’s not let common courtesy become a lost art in polite (or not so polite) society. Didn’t everyone learn to say please and thank you? How about holding the door for the person behind you? Saying excuse me when we walk in front of someone? Silencing our cell phones in public? Tipping generously? Being a good sport even when we lose the game? Such simple things that don’t cost a dime, yet they are priceless!

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Gandhi

Courage comes in all shapes and sizes.

For the past few years, I’ve spent time with my gbabes as they learned to drive. I’ll admit it took a certain amount of bravery on my part to sit in the passenger seat while they learned the fine art of driving. It wasn’t until the oldest prepared to take his driver’s license test that I realized how courageous he was, too. I hadn’t given much thought to the pressure he was feeling to pass the exam on his first attempt. He passed, and his sigh of relief was palpable.

When I worked in oncology, patients would share the fears they experienced every time they walked into the clinic. Would the scans show progression? Is the chemotherapy working? Even patients who only visited once a year for their annual check-up mentioned how difficult it was to return to “the scene of the crime.”  Whether it’s your first time or 50^th, walking into a cancer clinic takes a certain amount of chutzpa.

This weekend I received a text from a favorite patient I’ve stayed in touch with for many, many years. I first met her when she came to the clinic for her 7-year check-up, expecting to be told she was cancer free. Unfortunately, the news was quite the opposite. In true fashion, she faced the challenge with determination and grace. You see, she was a single mom with 2 young sons; giving up was not an option. Over the last 15 years, she raised her sons, taught in elementary schools, and lived life well. She went for regular check-ups but refused traditional cancer treatment in lieu of a plant-based diet, avoiding processed foods and sugar. She really is sort of a walking miracle.

In her text, she told me she has decided to enroll in hospice. She explained that her symptoms are progressing and that she’s tired. I shared a favorite quote by ee cummings, “May absolute peace gently descend.” As is her style, she reassured me she was “all in on planning and sailing into this transition from physical to light.”

Courage comes in all shapes and sizes.

I have a stress fracture in my foot. I don’t know how or why, it just happened. Every step reminds me things are not as they used to be. It’s as if everything I’ve done in the past to ensure and protect my love of running has been dismantled, step by step.

As is so often the case in life, I have choices:

I can disregard the skilled advice of medical professionals and negate the recommendations of trainers who are experts in their field and continue to run, childishly refusing to alter my plans even though in doing so I will be causing more harm than good.

OR

I can sit on the couch doing nothing and criticize and condemn anyone who disagrees with me. I can refuse to listen to the sage advice of trusted advisors and friends who may have experienced a similar situation, and adamantly denounce any attempts to influence my plans.

OR

I can modify my plans and do whatever causes the least harm. If I can’t run, I can walk. I can depend on the expertise of professionals to guide me in making appropriate decisions that will result in renewed strength and ability. Lastly, I can listen to my head and my heart (and my foot) and act accordingly.

It’s always good to have choices.

There are people in this world that have extraordinary talent. Not me. I will never break a record, set a record, or appear in the Guinness book of ultimate success.

My talents are much less impressive:

In years past, I could make $2.46 last an entire week.
I’ve been known to put not one, but both feet in my mouth.
I can trip on a perfectly flat surface and break my wrist in a gazillion pieces.
I can spend 72 hours dreading an issue that takes 15 minutes to resolve.
I will run 10 miles but resist doing 10 sit-ups.
I can vividly recall events from 40 years ago but can’t remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
I still can’t find something I put away for safekeeping.
I could go on; the list is endless.

No talent required.

There’s a lot going on right now – I mean A LOT. It’s hard to know what’s true or false, right or wrong, and who to blame (although I have my suspicions).

It’s taken me a minute or two (or 100000) to remind myself I hold the power to my peace of mind. And, in reclaiming my power, I’ve found ways to quiet my fears and trepidation (sometimes)! In case Elon is checking, here are the 5 things I did this week:

1. It’s hard to go through life avoiding the news yet the news is often a source of angst for me. I’ve asked trusted friends from both sides of the aisle where they get their information and I engage in mind-size bites to stay informed.

2. I’ve increased my meditation practice and breathwork to maintain some semblance of tranquility.

3. I’m leaving voicemails for my political representatives requesting specific action. I have my doubts about the effectiveness of this practice, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something besides complaining.

4. I’m avoiding people whose vitriol affects my mental health. I still love them and respect their right to feel all the feels, just not at the expense of my emotional well-being.

5. Last but not least, I’m starting each day in prayer. Prayers for my family and friends, prayers for the President and our elected officials, and prayers for our country and world peace. I’m not sure they help but they can’t hurt.

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Ghandi

Some people say trust is earned; others think trust is unconditional until proven otherwise. Either way, it’s a risky proposition:

We trust oncoming traffic will stay in their lane.
We trust drivers will stop at a red light.
We trust the doctor knows what’s wrong.
We trust the medicine will cure us.
We trust the kids are safe at school.
We trust others know right from wrong.
We trust the truth will set us free.

PSA: Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. If you have yet to purchase flowers, cards, and candies, the clock is ticking. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime.

Whether you have a Valentine or not, loving yourself may be the best present to give or receive. Hallmark holidays have a way of reminding me of important gifts I may have forgotten:

1. All I have to be grateful for and don’t always appreciate,
2. How comparison is the thief of joy.

Bonnie Raitt has a line in her song, Nick of Time, “Those lines are pretty hard to take when they’re staring back at you.” It’s so easy to focus on the wrinkles without acknowledging how blessed I am to have lived long enough to have them.

I could, not should (no shoulding on yourself), lose a few pounds but rather than concentrating on what isn’t, I’m grateful for what is. I don’t have washboard abs but I do have 2 beautiful children who were born via C-section. No toned tummy will ever compare to the joy they bring to my life.

There are days I’m up at 6AM to run, and days I’m still in my jammies at 4PM – it’s called balance. The fact that I have the freedom to choose is not taken for granted. I started working before I graduated from high school, and I worked for the next 55 years. In fact, I’m still working, but on my schedule in between days reserved for family, friends, and fun. I didn’t always have that kind of flexibility as a single mom, part-time student, and full-time employee. If you’re in the throes of raising kids, working 8-5, maintaining a household, and coaching the soccer team, take heart. It may feel like forever, but it’s over in the blink of an eye. In the meantime, ask for help and please take a break every once in a while – it’s not self-ish, it’s self-love.

I find it interesting how often infancy and adulthood mirror each other. If you’ve survived the experience of an infant that doesn’t sleep through the night or nap during the day, you know the feeling when, as an adult, sleep escapes you. As the parent of a nocturnal munchkin, you can probably recall going through the day in a fog. Thoughts of, “Where am I? Who am I? For the love of all things holy, PLEASE go to sleep.”

Adult insomnia hits much the same way. There are few things more daunting than realizing it’s 11 pm, then 2 am, then 4:30 am, and you are the only person in the entire universe still awake. If you’ve ever lived with a teenager, you know sleep deprivation improves with age. Who was it that said, ‘Many of life’s greatest pleasures are wasted on the young?’

I rarely struggle with sleep issues. In fact, my ex-husband used to say my tombstone would read, “Here lies Denise. She got plenty of sleep.” Hence the “ex.” However, so many people I know take a plethora of pharmaceuticals to resolve their sleeplessness. Wouldn’t it be great if the same remedies that comfort babies would work for adults? Who wouldn’t love a blankie, a lullaby, and a little whiskey on their gums?

I wish I knew the secret to falling asleep and staying asleep. I would definitely bottle it and become a gazillionnaire. In the meantime, take heart. This too shall pass, you just might be too tired to notice.

I have a Janna plant. The scientific name of the plant is unknown to me. All I know is that I have a very special plant named Janna.

Janna the plant was given to me by one of my favorite patients. It’s no coincidence that her name was Janna, too. Janna was one of the bravest, most resilient, formidable women I’ve ever met. She had an irreverent sense of humor I adored, and a no bs approach to life I respected. She was the perfect combination of nerves of steel and a heart of gold (with a dash of sass for good measure).

The last time I visited Janna, she proudly led me to her sunroom to meet her impressive botany collection. Some plants reached the ceiling, others cascaded to the floor. All of them were healthy and strong and thriving – the irony was heartbreaking.

As we prepared to say our goodbyes, Janna gave me the treasured gift of a start from one of her plants. Let me just say, she was risking a lot by trusting I could keep Janna the plant alive and well. I was equal parts honored and terrified.

Janna has been gone almost seven years; I think of her often. I’m proud to say, Janna the plant has flourished during that time from a 3” plastic container on the kitchen windowsill to her beautiful new home in a red, 3’ tall ceramic planter that adorns my living room.

That tricky Janna knew just what she was doing when she gave me a gift that reminds me of her on the daily – like I would have ever forgotten one of my favorite patients.

My word for 2025 is Intentional. It’s going to be a big ask.

In no particular order:

I want to be intentional about how I spend my time and with whom.

I want to be intentional about the food I put in my mouth and the words that come out. (If you know me, you know I occasionally speak first and think later; not a great recipe to win friends and influence people.)

I want to be intentional about healthy living: mind, body, and soul.

I want to be intentional about the examples I set for my grandsons. They are both teenagers who are currently willing to accept my suggestions about driving, college, and life in general, but I know the clock is tickin’.

I want to be intentional about my thoughts and actions. I saw a meme: “Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.”

I also saw another meme: “You can’t be disappointed in the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.”

Intentional.

What’s your word?