WORDS TO LIVE BY

PSA: Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. You have 5 more days to decide how you want to celebrate. Valentine’s Day also falls on the first day of Lent this year, so maybe nix a heart-shaped box of candy as a token of your love and affection since giving up sweets is a popular Lenten sacrifice for those who honor those traditions. I plan to give up Diet Pepsi and endure the skull crushing headache for the first 5 days.

If you don’t have a Valentine, or even if you do, loving yourself may be the best gift. The podcast I co-host, The Problem with Perfect, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-problem-with-perfect/id1482443584, is featuring a series on self-love this month and it has been a valuable reminder of two things:

1. All I have to be grateful for and don’t always appreciate,
2. How comparison is the thief of joy.

Bonnie Raitt has a line in her song, Nick of Time, “Those lines are pretty hard to take when they’re staring back at you.” It’s so easy to focus on the wrinkles without acknowledging how blessed I am to have lived long enough to have them.

I could, not should (no shoulding on yourself), lose a few pounds but rather than concentrating on what isn’t, I’m grateful for what is. I don’t have washboard abs but I do have 2 beautiful children who were born via C-section. No toned tummy will ever compare to the joy they bring to my life.

There are days I’m up at 6AM to run, and days I’m still in my jammies at 4PM – it’s called balance. The fact that I have the freedom to choose is not taken for granted. I started working before I graduated from high school, and I worked for the next 55 years. In fact, I’m still working but on my schedule in between days reserved for family, friends, and fun. I didn’t always have that kind of flexibility as a single mom, part-time student, and full-time employee. If you’re in the throes of raising kids, working 8-5, maintaining a household, and coaching the soccer team, just know it may feel like forever, but it’s over in the blink of an eye. In the meantime, ask for help and please take a break every once in a while – it’s not selfish, it’s self-love.

And speaking of running, I’m still at it 31 years later. Not as fast or as far, but I am blessed with a body that loves exercise. I haven’t run a competitive race in a few years but being in the “F70 and over” category almost always guarantees a spot on the podium. A medal for being old and slow. How cool is that?!

🏅🏅🏅

I am a determined woman. Some might say ‘stubborn,’ but I prefer words like purposeful, tenacious, resolute. Anyone who spends 23 years in college has to be committed, and yes, I’m aware there are 2 definitions for the word committed, and both apply. Other than college Algebra, which I failed 4 times, my sheer determination has served me well over the years.

Although my tenacity has been steadfast, I’ve come to realize sometimes the wisest thing to do is let it be. Things work out, one way or the other, and my ability to influence a particular outcome is minimal, at best. Recently, life has given me several opportunities to let it be, all of which I resisted mightily.

I get medication from an online pharmacy because it’s less expensive. On Tuesday, I received a text letting me know the meds had been “delivered in or around my mailbox.” Seems vague, but oh well. However, no meds were found “in or around” my locked mailbox. I had a tracking number that I traced. The tracking info confirmed the meds had been “delivered in or around my mailbox.” Still no meds. I spoke with my mailperson who directed me to the post office where I waited…and waited…only to learn the tracking number shows the meds were…you guessed it. Finally, I called the online pharmacy to explain the problem. A lovely woman who answered the call encouraged me to, “Wait a bit; they almost always show up.” Mind you, this is heart medication I take on the daily, but nonetheless, I let it be. The meds arrived Saturday.

A few months ago, I bought a new sewing machine. The purchase was precipitated by a request from my gbabe to help him make a pair of pants. He had watched a YouTube video “and it looks really simple.” Out of the mouths of gbabes! The process wasn’t quite as simple as it looked (Is it ever?), but we were successful in making not 1 but 4 pairs of pants. He is now taking orders from friends.

Yesterday, I noticed the stitching on the sewing machine needed adjusting. I’m a pretty good seamstress and I know my way around a sewing machine. However, since this is a new, computerized machine, I read the manual from cover to cover, no help. I scanned the QR code and looked at the online tutorials, no help. I watched numerous YouTube videos. I took my sewing project, the manual, and my patience to the sewing store to ask for assistance, no help. Finally, I reluctantly decided to give it a rest and to let it be. This morning, I sat down in front of the machine to further contemplate the conundrum. And there it was, 12” directly in front of me, the dial that turns and adjusts the stitching. How is it none of those resources mentioned the dial? They must have thought it was too obvious to miss. Ha…fooled them!

What a year this week has been. The cold weather has been record-setting. I am not a fan of -12 with a wind chill factor of -30. That kind of weather requires coats, and I don’t like to wear coats. That kind of weather makes running outside death defying; black ice is not a runner’s friend. That kind of weather makes me question my life choices. Why do I live in Colorado instead of somewhere by a beach? I could rage on but what’s the point?

If you couldn’t tell, this is my least favorite time of year. Football is almost over, and I struggle with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter. My positivity, motivation, and desire to socialize go missing and don’t return until April, sometimes May (June if we get snow in May).

This is the time of year when silence is golden. I’ve learned I’m more comfortable being silent than having to explain my negativity and less-than-sunny disposition. To be honest, being silent feels nurturing. I read, take walks in nature, listen to classical music, and breathe deeply. Soup helps, too.

I’ve been at this long enough to know this too shall pass. In the meantime, it’s me, not you. Hurry Spring!

Recently, I read something that has stayed with me for weeks. An author explained that ‘mercy is when you don’t get what you deserve; grace is when you get what you don’t deserve.’ Mind blown.

I’m not sure why the sentence had such a profound impact on me. I’ve never contemplated the definition of either of those words. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever even noticed them. Yet, as is so often the case, the words mercy and grace have appeared repeatedly in articles and books I’ve been reading lately.

There is an Everything Happens podcast I’ve listened to on repeat for the past year. Bryan Stephenson was the guest, and he shared his experience as a lawyer dedicated to restoring justice and redemption to people (usually poor, Black individuals) who have been unjustly imprisoned for crimes they did not commit. Way back in 2019, I watched Just Mercy, a movie about Bryan and his Equal Justice Initiative. A few weeks ago, I found his book, Just Mercy, at Goodwill. Whenever I get nudges from 3 different sources, I take it as a sign to pay attention.

I associate the word grace with prayers before meals, and my great-niece. I’ve also heard people say things like, “EGR” aka Extra Grace Required, when referring to someone who is difficult or demanding. Again, not a word I’ve ever spent time contemplating.

What struck me about the sentence, and has stayed with me for weeks, is the word deserve. That word feels like a loaded gun. The Oxford dictionary defines deserve as, “To do something or have or show qualities worthy of reward or punishment.” What the definition doesn’t explain is who gets to decide who or what deserves mercy and grace? The things that make you go, “Hmmmm.”

I started 2024 doing hard things. They may not seem difficult to others, but for me, they brought a sense of satisfaction and pride. I like starting the new year with success.

I am not tech savvy. In fact, I will procrastinate and vacillate ad nauseam rather than tackle any project that involves technology. Despite the assurance from others that, “It’s no big deal,” I will avoid making technological changes until I am practically forced to do so, until last week.

I decided to cancel cable television and use an antenna to watch TV programs. Truth be told, other than CBS Sunday Morning and football, I rarely watch TV. The enjoyment of cable did not justify the monthly expense, so I decided to make a change.

The first thing I did was cancel cable. That, alone, was an accomplishment. Those people that work for cable companies are relentless. They offered reduced rates, more channels, and a partridge in a pear tree if I would continue my subscription. I am proud of myself for not succumbing to their enticements. I even disconnected all the cable apparatus and returned it that same day so I would not be tempted to accept their generous “one-time” offers.

Next, I installed (actually plugged in) the external antenna. As was predicted, it was ridiculously simple. I even programmed the channels correctly. The only problem that remains is the fact my PBS channel is in Spanish!

My final quest was to install Apple TV. What a nightmare. The equipment sent from Amazon was used. Unfortunately, the prior owner failed to erase ALL of his personal information including email, friend’s emails, login, and Internet password. If you know Fazel Aziz, you might want to let him know. Thus, I could not enter my personal information. To make matters worse, the Apple TV was a gift, and arrived without an order number. I spent hours (truly, hours) on the phone with Amazon trying to return the item. The fact that I remained patient and composed with the Amazon customer dis-service people deserves an award. There’s something about appearing in a TikTok video as an enraged maniac that discouraged me from expressing my true feelings. Thank you social media.

Once the new equipment arrived, it was a simple set-up, especially since I’d already practiced it a gazillion times trying to get the first Apple TV to work. All of that to watch The Morning Show and Ted Lasso. I kind of miss the replay and recording options available on cable, but not enough to revisit the wacky world of Direct TV. Saving money and being fiscally responsible is hard.

As many of you know, each year I choose a word to be my touchstone for the next 365 days. Over the years I’ve chosen: Patience, Curious, Faith, Serenity, and Embrace, just to name a few. Last year, I was really ambitious and chose 3 words: Acceptance Without Judgment. I don’t know what I was thinking. Although I failed more often than I care to admit, I did at least recognize my shortcomings sooner, and I was able to stop myself before I plunged headfirst into the deep end. To say the least, this will continue to be a work in progress.

My word for 2024 is presence. I want to be present in my relationships with others. I want to minimize multitasking and focus on the moment. I don’t want to miss the present because I’m agonizing over the past or worrying about the future. I want to slow down and savor life.

I’ll check back in a few months to let you know how it’s going.

What’s your word?

This year, I kept track of things big and small. I wanted to remember the momentous occasions and the everyday moments that made my heart smile:

January – My mom turned 90 and she’s as healthy and active as I am. I can only hope! Survived a near-death experience driving to Breckenridge to snowshoe with my friend, Michelle.

February – CHIEFS won the Super Bowl!! Flew to KC to brainstorm with Robin about co-hosting a podcast. Finally got Covid (in that exact order). Thanks for the memories, KC.

March – Began co-hosting The Problem With Perfect podcast. Started attending Nar-Anon meetings. Made it through another SAD season.

April – This quote was brought to mind, “You may be done with your past, but your past isn’t done with you.” IYKYK

May – Bought a new car. Traveled to San Diego for some much-needed beach time (and to visit Matthew). Created and facilitated a children’s meditation program for the Denver Botanic Garden. Completed 75 Hard (and it was).

June – Traveled to Minnesota to visit my goddaughter, Alex, and to tour Mayo Clinic (because if you work in healthcare, you tour world-renowned medical facilities for fun). Also, flew to Oregon with my grandson, Rhys, on his 16^th birthday and my 71st.

July – Picked up my new car and drove to Columbia to celebrate my friend, Jahne. Met with some of my fave COMO friends. Decided to go on a mission trip to India.

August – Rode with a 16yo driver. Need I say more?!

September – Enjoyed a drive-by from Robin. Had the battery in my pacemaker replaced; I should be good for another 50,000 miles. Interviewed my grandson, Colin, for the podcast.

October – Flew to Phoenix to support Matthew’s first Half Iron Man. His graciousness in the face of adversity and disappointment was inspiring. Started getting a multitude of vaccinations for India.

November – Missed Thanksgiving. Traveled 8500 miles to India. Toured the Taj Mahal. Got Covid, again. Made new friends and a lifetime of memories.

December – Celebrated Christmas with my family and thanked God (and my lucky stars) for another year of good health and much happiness.

🥂Happy New Year!🥂

With Christmas just days away, some of you may be out of ideas for gift-giving. These are gifts you can give any day of the year, but Christmas seems like an especially appropriate time to gift others with a healthy, happy life.

I’ve tried to make it as simple as possible. If one (or all) interest you, just click on the link and sign up:

Blood donor: https://vitalant.org

Organ donor: https://organdonor.gov

Bone marrow donor: https://bethematch.org

Cornea donor: https://restoresight.org

Live donor for kidney transplant: https://kidney.org

Live donor for liver transplant: https://liverfoundation.org

Live donor for lung transplant: https://lung.org.

Saving a life is a pretty awesome gift AND you don’t have to worry about refunds or exchanges.

🎄🎄🎄

Christmas has really snuck up on me this year. My trip to India at the end of November put the holidays on warp speed. I still find myself thinking people are rushing Christmas when, in fact, it’s still on the 25th of December, just like it’s always been.

This has been a hard year for many of my friends. The first holidays after the loss of a loved one can be especially painful. Truth be told, the 2^nd, 5^th, 10^th and 20^th year can be difficult, too. I spoke about grief and the holidays at a conference last week. Several attendees reminded me there are all kinds of losses that make the holidays less merry and bright. Distance, divorce, finances, and fractured relationships were just a few of the hardships people mentioned.

This year, if you know someone who isn’t “going home,” or will be alone for Christmas, consider inviting them to your house. When my children would spend Christmas with their dad, my sister and her family, and my friends, Jessie and Rick, graciously included me in their family festivities. I will be forever grateful for their kindness. If you know someone who is grieving, a simple “Thinking of You” card, call, or text can mean a lot. And if you aren’t a fan of the holidays, just know this will all be over in 9 more days.

While in India, our mission team visited the schools established by the John Foundation. The foundation was established in 2007 when Saji John and his wife opened their home to two girls who were abandoned on the streets of Hyderabad. Since its inception, the foundation has expanded to include 27 children’s homes housing 292 children, a back-to-school program for approximately 685 children of single moms, 27 tutorial centers for 700+ children whose parents are illiterate, and a vocational program whereby 8,345 young men and women have successfully completed training in 17 government-certified skills. In addition, each year, approximately 200 girls are rescued from sex trafficking and temple prostitution. Currently, 363 students attend the John’s Academy School, and 5 businesses have been established and are thriving to help support 66% of the operational costs for the school programs.

Saji John is a true visionary. Every program, school, and housing development is designed to enrich the lives of young people associated with the John Foundation. Without the education and skills training provided by the foundation, those children and young women would have no hope for a better future.

In addition to all I learned of the John Foundation, there were other wonders I witnessed:

Despite their dire poverty, the people we visited in India shared their food with generosity and graciousness,
Although Indians eat with their hands, utensils are optional,
Protein bars will keep you alive once you’ve maxed out on Indian food,
It is possible to go 14 days without ice and/or diet soda,
You can also go 14 days without reading/hearing the news,
The Taj Mahal is one of the Seven Wonders of the World for good reason,
A taxi ride from Chandigarh to Shimla may be the closest thing to death one can experience and live to tell,
Music really is a universal language,
Even in the midst of the most challenging conditions, smiles, laughter, and blessings prevailed.