WORDS TO LIVE BY

Christmas has really snuck up on me this year. My trip to India at the end of November put the holidays on warp speed. I still find myself thinking people are rushing Christmas when, in fact, it’s still on the 25th of December, just like it’s always been.

This has been a hard year for many of my friends. The first holidays after the loss of a loved one can be especially painful. Truth be told, the 2^nd, 5^th, 10^th and 20^th year can be difficult, too. I spoke about grief and the holidays at a conference last week. Several attendees reminded me there are all kinds of losses that make the holidays less merry and bright. Distance, divorce, finances, and fractured relationships were just a few of the hardships people mentioned.

This year, if you know someone who isn’t “going home,” or will be alone for Christmas, consider inviting them to your house. When my children would spend Christmas with their dad, my sister and her family, and my friends, Jessie and Rick, graciously included me in their family festivities. I will be forever grateful for their kindness. If you know someone who is grieving, a simple “Thinking of You” card, call, or text can mean a lot. And if you aren’t a fan of the holidays, just know this will all be over in 9 more days.

While in India, our mission team visited the schools established by the John Foundation. The foundation was established in 2007 when Saji John and his wife opened their home to two girls who were abandoned on the streets of Hyderabad. Since its inception, the foundation has expanded to include 27 children’s homes housing 292 children, a back-to-school program for approximately 685 children of single moms, 27 tutorial centers for 700+ children whose parents are illiterate, and a vocational program whereby 8,345 young men and women have successfully completed training in 17 government-certified skills. In addition, each year, approximately 200 girls are rescued from sex trafficking and temple prostitution. Currently, 363 students attend the John’s Academy School, and 5 businesses have been established and are thriving to help support 66% of the operational costs for the school programs.

Saji John is a true visionary. Every program, school, and housing development is designed to enrich the lives of young people associated with the John Foundation. Without the education and skills training provided by the foundation, those children and young women would have no hope for a better future.

In addition to all I learned of the John Foundation, there were other wonders I witnessed:

Despite their dire poverty, the people we visited in India shared their food with generosity and graciousness,
Although Indians eat with their hands, utensils are optional,
Protein bars will keep you alive once you’ve maxed out on Indian food,
It is possible to go 14 days without ice and/or diet soda,
You can also go 14 days without reading/hearing the news,
The Taj Mahal is one of the Seven Wonders of the World for good reason,
A taxi ride from Chandigarh to Shimla may be the closest thing to death one can experience and live to tell,
Music really is a universal language,
Even in the midst of the most challenging conditions, smiles, laughter, and blessings prevailed.

I recently returned from a two-week mission trip to India. We flew approximately 8,500 miles to get to our initial destination, and then traveled hundreds of miles throughout the next 14 days to visit other cities. The Planes, Trains and Automobiles movie was frequently referenced. (So was the Dumb and Dumber movie but that’s a story for another day.) To say it was a once-in-a-lifetime trip understates the magnitude of the experience.

Prior to leaving, I made a list of things I was concerned about. I decided to think of the adventure as a pseudo social experiment to see what, if anything, actually came to fruition:

My first concern involved planning. I’m not used to having someone else make all the travel arrangements. Some might call it ‘control,’ I prefer ‘sage advice and helpful suggestions.’ At any rate, I quickly learned to appreciate just going wherever I was told. No decisions were necessary; all I had to do was follow the 6’5” group leader who was easy to spot in a crowd.

My next concern involved traveling with a group for 2 weeks. It felt daunting to think I would be spending 10-12 hours a day with people I hardly knew. I think our shared mission to enrich the lives of others was instrumental in keeping the group cohesive and focused. What I didn’t plan on was the Covid-type symptoms 8 of the 11 in our group experienced. The incessant coughing and sore throats helped us bond in a “special” way. Every morning meeting started with, “How do you feel? How did you sleep? Do you need cough drops, throat lozenges, Ibuprofen?”

I was also worried how my pup, Maggie, would do in my absence. I’m glad to say she was well-loved and cared for by my friend’s husband. He didn’t go on the trip so that his wife could. He stayed home to take care of their pup, and just added Maggie to the pack. While we were gone, he sent pics and updates on the regular. I don’t know who was happier to reunite, me or Maggie.

There was also concern about missing the Chiefs/Eagles game. I recorded it for viewing upon my return, but was unlucky enough to catch the final 4 minutes of the game when we landed in Dehli. (Or was it Chandigarh or Shimla?) I think I’ll just delete the recording without watching it; no sense in suffering twice.

Finally, I was determined not to be an EGR (Extra Grace Required). I guess you would have to ask my fellow travelers if I was successful. Our exhausting travels, illnesses, flight delays, etc., were challenging at times. When my patience and energy waned, I reminded myself of the mantra I set for the trip:

This is something I’ve always wanted to do. ✔️

I found myself mesmerized while listening to a Katie Couric podcast featuring David Brooks. That guy shared some serious pearls of wisdom. I listened to the podcast multiple times, took notes, and bought his book. If you get a chance, I highly recommend the episode (and the book).

Mr. Brooks’ discussion of “broken or broken open” intrigued me. We have all been sad or disappointed: didn’t get the job, failed a test, got a bad haircut. And then there are those moments in life when the death of a loved one, a relationship ending, a catastrophic event, or a health crisis brought us to our knees. Those times when devastating heartache and gut-wrenching pain either broke us or broke us open.

When it comes to being broken or broken open, there doesn’t seem to be a predictable formula for one or the other. There are people who become broken and never recover. Others seem consumed with a sorrow and regret that is almost palpable.

I’ve known many people who were broken by life events. People who could have unequivocally and understandably stayed broken forever. What I find so very intriguing is that those very people, the people who have every reason to remain broken, are often broken open in a way that is almost sacred. Somehow, and against all odds, they find a way to move forward with grace. I am in awe of my family members, friends, and clients who found their way to a meaningful life that includes happiness and joy alongside their grief and loss.

I wish I knew their secret. Is it faith, resilience, superhuman strength? It’s not like they didn’t have a choice because they did; they could have chosen to remain broken forever. Instead, they were broken open and allowed time and memories to assuage their pain. I am humbled by those who chose to thrive in spite of it all. It is a privilege to know you!

I am not a political person. I know it’s important to understand the workings of government. (Is that an oxymoron?) I know there are political agendas that are crucial to the well-being of our country, and to other countries around the world. I know there are political issues that affect me personally. I know all that to be true, I just don’t engage in political debate. As David Brooks said, “Politics is a competition between partial truths,” and I’m smart enough to know, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” At this juncture in time, why anyone would want a career in politics is beyond me. May the best woman, or man, win!

There are people in my family who are passionate about politics. I appreciate their commitment to the cause. I have a friend who is retired after a distinguished career in the military. I don’t always agree with him, but I respect his perspective and hard-earned knowledge about political issues. I know people who have marched, picketed, and gone door-to-door campaigning. I admire those people, too. I may not always agree with their opinions, but I commend their dedication and willingness to advocate for their beliefs, and to do more than just complain or ignore social injustices.

A few weeks ago, my friend, Leora, visited. Leora is of Jewish descent, and in January she spent three weeks in Israel with her family. The timing was fortuitous. I disclosed my ignorance about the Middle East and asked her to explain the history, geography, and political issues involved. I was awed by her ability to explain all that, and more. (She even drew me a map!)

This week, I got a book from the library entitled, No Room for Small Dreams by Nobel Prize recipient Shimon Peres. My hope is that by reading about different cultures, political issues and parties, I will gain a greater understanding of the world. If you know of other books that will contribute to my enlightenment, I would appreciate your recommendations.

I know some might say, “It’s about time.” I prefer, “Better late than never.”

For a very long time, I thought happiness and joy were synonymous. I was wrong. A quick google search explained the difference. “Happiness is ephemeral and temporary. Joy is an emotion.”

Happiness depends. It depends on circumstances, accomplishments, successes, things. When you get the promotion, you will be happy. When you get a new car, you will be happy. When the kids leave home, you will be happy. Happiness is extrinsic, it depends.

Joy is an emotion you feel deep in your soul, it’s intrinsic. Joy is the present moment. Happiness may bring pleasure, but joy brings true contentment to the heart. When I teach kiddos how to meditate it makes me happy; knowing they are learning skills that will help them focus and be peace-filled brings me joy. When my gbabes want to go thrifting, it makes me happy. Spending time with them brings me joy.

Happiness will come and go. Joy is a peace and contentment that comes from the heart and settles in the soul. Choose joy.

Growing up with 6 siblings, ‘Go outside and play‘ was a frequent directive. Our house was on a court that included 17 other homes and about 40+ kids to keep each other entertained. Nothing says ‘Catholic community’ like the average family size being at least 4 kids per household. There was always someone to ride bikes with behind the mosquito fogger truck, play baseball with, or initiate a game of hide-n-seek after dark.

As an adult, I’ve gained an even greater appreciation for the outdoors. Hiking, biking, and running are great chances to go outside and play. One of my favorite activities is to run through leaves that have fallen on the sidewalk. There’s just something about that sound that takes me back to my childhood.

As much as I love all the physical activities, my absolute favorite thing to do this time of year is leaf peeping. The fall foliage in Colorado is spectacular. The colors are vibrant and varied. It’s as if someone spray-painted leaves with the brightest colors possible. Sugar maples are crimson red, the Aspens are golden, and the Sumacs are a kaleidoscope of neon red, orange, and yellow. A drive around town or up to the mountains is one of the most beautiful experiences of the year. My only disappointment is that the season is short, and an ill-timed storm or high winds can bring the experience to an abrupt halt. Thank goodness there’s always next year.

Wherever you live, go outside and play. Walk around your neighborhood, hike a trail, or take a road trip before the leaves drop. I promise, nature will not disappoint.

The gbabes and I had an interesting conversation the other day. One of them noted that in a popular movie, the “f word was said 500 times.” I believe that’s what’s called a ‘teachable moment.’

I’ve noticed a subtle change in their vocabulary recently and this seemed like the perfect time to discuss their choice of words. At 16 and 14, the gbabes have begun casually peppering sentences with words that do not present them in the most positive light. Granted, they probably heard most of them from me at one time or another, nonetheless, out of the mouths of gbabes, the words are uncomfortable to hear.

It has long been established they are welcome to connect their music to the Bluetooth in my car, but no songs with profanity are allowed. Since I don’t have a clue who they’re listening to, it’s impressive how they censor themselves and quickly change songs when necessary. I make it a point to thank them for their thoughtfulness.

It’s hard not to preach, especially when I’m guilty too, so we embarked on a game of “Say this, not that.” “What’s another word that means the same thing but doesn’t make you sound like a thug?” “How would Grammy feel if she heard you say that?” “Do you think using that word makes you sound intelligent or illiterate?” I even went so far as to string a few expletives together so they could hear how it sounds; they were appropriately embarrassed and mortified. Point taken!

I think they got the message without feeling shamed. By the end of the evening, they were saying things like, “Golly gee, I strongly dislike this mess.” I’m fairly sure that was for my benefit, but message heard. The other lesson learned was that I need to clean up my act, too! Shucks!

Two of my nieces completed their first road race last weekend and I’m proud of them. I remember those days. The accomplishment of running a mile without stopping; finishing 3 miles without dying; and slowly building mileage until training was over and race day arrived.

I remember the fear and trepidation at the starting line. Doubt and insecurity suddenly became my running partners. Everyone around me looked so excited. Not me. I looked like I was about to puke and we hadn’t even started running. Somewhere around the middle of the race, negative thoughts started creeping in, “What was I thinking?” “Who said this would be fun?” “I’m never, ever doing this again.” And then, there’s the finish line. Smiles from ear to ear appear and a sense of accomplishment and pride overtakes the exhaustion and sore muscles. Next thing you know, you have a medal around your neck and you’re talking about your next race.

I have another friend who was running her first marathon last weekend and I’m proud of her, too. She ran about 700+ miles over the course of several months in preparation to run 26.2 miles last Sunday. She carb loaded, drank copious amounts of water, and spent an unbelievable amount of time training. This girl is built for running with legs for miles and a smile to match. In fact, she was a collegiate athlete just a few years ago. About half-way through her race, her knee became painful. Rather than do permanent damage, she very wisely listened to her body and withdrew from the race. I know she’s disappointed and I don’t blame her. She did everything right; I guarantee you there was no one more prepared than my friend.

Such is life. You can decide to do something you’ve never imagined possible and actually succeed despite your inexperience, doubt, and terror. And, you can be an accomplished expert and life (or a painful knee) gets in the way. There are no guarantees in life but thank goodness there are do-overs.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m proud of these young ladies. All three demonstrated impressive amounts of determination, resilience, and wisdom. I can’t wait to see what they do next.

❤️❤️❤️

It’s hard to turn on the television or peruse social media without hearing from or about Deion Sanders. For those who may have been living under a rock, Deion, aka Coach Prime, was once a famous baseball and football player who is now the football coach for the University of Colorado. During his playing career, Neon Deion was an athletic and media spectacle. His athletic achievements are legendary, and his self-promotion and ego were beyond measure. Revered or reviled, everyone had an opinion.

Fast forward to 2023 and Coach Prime is once again in the limelight. And just like the old days, his presence and persona are controversial. He is coaching a team whose record was 1W-11L last year. (That’s one win and ELEVEN losses for those unfamiliar with football stats.) I’m not sure what it took to convince him to move to Colorado to coach The Bad News Bears but evidently he was intrigued by the challenge. I could be wrong but I don’t believe money was a motivating factor.

Deion rolled into town in his Lamborghini and immediately began dispensing tough love. He encouraged most of the players from the 2022 team to leave; he told the brave few who stayed they might regret their decision. He demands accountability, courtesy, chivalry, and proper clothing attire from every team member. He has explained he will not tolerate tardiness, disrespect, or failing grades. On more than one occasion, he has publicly stated his goal is to graduate men who will be successful in life, not just football. Bravado and brashness aside, his message and mentoring may not result in a winning season but it may produce some mighty fine gentlemen, and that’s a W in my book.