WORDS TO LIVE BY

I moved to Colorado 10 years ago; seems hard to believe. The decision to uproot my life, again, wasn’t easy. There were many factors that contributed to my eventual move. My marriage had ended, I had finally graduated from college, and my position at work had been eliminated because why would patients diagnosed with cancer and their family need a social worker? Some outcomes were bitter, some made my life better.

After deciding to create a completely new life, there were questions that helped me evaluate my options. Now that I have a private practice working with clients, many of whom are making huge life adjustments, I use those same questions to help them assess their choices:

How long have you been considering a change?
Are thoughts of change a result of a temporary rough patch, a sudden loss, or years of dissatisfaction?
Who else is impacted by your decision?
Do you have the financial resources to support this decision?
Where/when/how will this change take place?
What outcome are you hoping to achieve?
And finally, as Brene Brown suggests: What would you do if you knew you could not fail and, what’s worth doing even if you fail?

The answers to these questions are as individual as the people asking them. Rarely are these kinds of decisions black or white. Life is usually several shades of gray depending upon the day, situation, and those involved. Unless someone is in an abusive, life-threatening situation, I recommend taking your time, breathing deeply, and listening to your head and heart. Praying can’t hurt either.

I’ve never mastered Algebra. In my college years, I took Algebra every semester for 2 1/2 years and never passed. I finally ended up taking a course called Math For Non-Math Majors. The premise of the course was practical applications of math…how to calculate compound interest rates, figure gambling odds, and understanding the electoral delegate distribution based on population, etc. I still find it ironic that I have a PhD without ever passing Algebra.

My grandson has inherited my math aptitude (or lack thereof) and is now under the gun to pass Algebra in order to graduate in May 2025. We talked about getting tutors but he’s not crazy about that idea. We talked about Mathnasium, but he REALLY wasn’t interested in that option. One of the tutors I spoke with recommended Kahn Academy. I’ve passed that suggestion along to him and I hope he will give it a try. (I’ll be keeping all the tutor information for future reference.)

In the meantime, I’ve decided to use Kahn Academy to finally learn Algebra. It’s free, online, and you can learn at your own pace. If you struggle with a particular concept, it takes you back to the grade where the material was originally presented. Nothing like working at a 6^th grade level learning about mixed fractions.

Today, I spent 1.5 hours working on combining like terms with rational coefficients. Most of the time, my mistakes were adding/subtracting errors. It was frustrating to recognize that simple math continues to be my downfall. The good news is I took 2 quizzes yesterday and aced them both. Ladies and gents, that was a FIRST!

I recently experienced a series of unfortunate events culminating in a brief hospitalization. Although much of that experience was frustrating and scary, the good news is I’m home and doing well. It is frightening to think what might have happened had I not had the following:

• A daughter that is an RN and who immediately recognized my symptoms as serious
• The mental capacity to update medical personnel about tests that were performed in the ED but were either not documented by the ED staff or read by the hospital staff
• The awareness to refuse tests that had already been performed and should have been, again, documented/read in the electronic medical record (I mean…how many lumbar punctures does one person need?)
• The ability to repeatedly explain I would NOT be “going down for an MRI” because I have a pacemaker…a fact that was noted on a whiteboard 6’ from my bed and on a band attached to my wrist.

As someone who worked in the medical profession for many years and has the utmost respect for medical personnel, I was disheartened by my encounter with modern medicine. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, here’s what I recommend:

• Raise or rent an RN to be with you at all times
• Do not count on the touted efficiency of electronic medical records (EMRs) to accurately reflect up-to-date information
• Don’t be afraid to say “No thank you” repeatedly and confidently
• Just because “the doctor ordered it” does not mean patients shouldn’t request additional information, further discussion, and be presented with other options before a decision is made. Baby boomers are fussy like that.

Of the many roles women assume in their lives, the act of caregiving stands out as one of the most universal and demanding. The Institute on Aging reports that women make up roughly 75% of caregivers and typically dedicate up to 50% more time to caregiving duties compared to their male counterparts. It appears that being a woman—whether you’re a daughter, daughter-in-law, distant relative, or simply a friend—often means taking on the responsibilities of caregiving with family and friends.

Caregiving comes with a host of challenges. Absorbing the financial costs associated with caregiving is often problematic. Time away from work for medical appointments, along with the expenses associated with medications, necessary medical equipment, and the hiring of supplementary private care can be financially overwhelming. Beyond the monetary impacts, caregiving can also lead to severe emotional and physical fatigue. Sleep deprivation, depression, isolation, stress, and anxiety are just a few of the maladies caregivers experience.

If you are a caregiver, take good care. Rest when possible. Try to add some fruits and veggies to your diet of caffeine and fast food (no judgement intended). Accept help when offered. Give yourself grace and a good cry every once in a while. Last but not least, no shoulding on yourself. You are doing the best you can and that’s good enough.

My daughter traveled for work a few weeks ago and I volunteered for carpool. I don’t know how she does it. One gbabe gets picked up at 1pm on T/TH on navy weeks, and MWF on cardinal weeks (and the weeks alternate). The other gbabe gets out at 2:45 or 3 or 3:15 or 3:30 depending upon whether he has guitar lessons, orthodontist appointments, etc. Again, I don’t know how she does it while working full-time at a job that is stressful and demanding. Although, she is the queen of organization, and a darn good momma.

When my kiddos were little, my MIL was my go-to for sick days, free days, and all the days in between. She and my FIL spoiled them rotten, but it was comforting to know they were in good hands. What I would have given to have a picture of this 80+ year-old couple sitting on a bench at the Missouri State Fair in August (think 98 degrees with 97% humidity in the shade), patiently waiting for their gbabes to finish watching the NKOTB concert. They were those grandparents.

My mom was a SHM with 7 kids, the oldest of whom was severely disabled. I remember my mom hanging laundry on the clothesline in summer, and in the basement in winter. I even remember the glorious day when our first clothes dryer arrived. My mom cooked, canned, “sprinkled” clothes, and then ironed them the next day, all while wrangling her gaggle of kids. She was the President and founding member of an organization to support parents of children with Cerebral Palsy, and the bookkeeper for my father’s business. Later in life, she worked at an elementary school cafeteria and went to college at night to earn her degree. When she had “spare time” (somewhat of an oxymoron), she took my kids to her lake house where they swam, fished, went on boat rides, and rode go-carts.

I am grateful for the examples my mother and mother-in-law provided when I was a young mom. Now, when I’m carpooling, or driving through McDonalds, or listening to the gbabes music in the car, I get to spoil them just like they did, sans ironing and attending NKOTB concerts.

Happy Mother’s Day!

I’m finding myself less and less enamored with social media these days. In fact, if it wasn’t for this blog and the podcast, I would probably delete all of it. However, for the past 7 days, it has been a godsend. Last Friday, my nephew died from a heart attack; he was 35. He leaves behind a beautiful family who love him dearly, along with countless heartbroken aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. It is almost unfathomable to think this “really good guy” has left us.

During the past week, family and friends have posted pictures and beautiful memories on Facebook. In my favorite video, he is interrupting a dance his kids are performing by joining in. His daughter was not impressed with his moves.😊 Someone else shared a picture and a vague mention of a “car ride we both probably wish we could take back.” (I’ll bet that’s a story!) There’s also a pic of him wearing a crop top and Daisy Duke shorts. (I’ll bet that’s an even better story!!) Most of the pics are of a handsome young man with his hat on backwards wearing Cardinal swag. My very most favorite picture is of he and his cousin (aka brother from another mother) giving each other middle-finger signs of affection.

To everyone who shared memories and pics, thank you. That’s how I want to remember Shawn Michael.

I awoke this morning to the sound of a lawnmower. Music to my ears!

Even though it was 74 on Thursday, and it snowed on Saturday, it’s still Spring and nothing says Summer is right around the corner like a lawnmower. I’m not sure what it is that’s being mowed. There are a few sprigs of grass here and there, but evidently the landscaping company is as anxious as I am for green grass and flowers.

I love to mow grass. It’s a great combination of time in the sunshine, exercise, and there is something so satisfying about the instant gratification of a lawn freshly mowed. If you have a yard and a lawnmower, I’m your girl. I won’t even charge you…a cold Diet Pepsi will be gratuity enough.

After my recent “tumble,” I decided to walk rather than run, at least until every sore, aching bone in my body recovers. This may be TMI, but I must have really puckered up on my descent; even my butt cheeks hurt.

I don’t like walking near as much as I love running. There is something about a 5-mile run that leaves me feeling great. Walking 5 miles, not so much. I also enjoy running hills. I love the challenge of standing at the bottom of a steep incline knowing that when I get to the top, I’ll be dancing around like Rocky Balboa. Walking up a hill reminds me of Dorothy and Toto when they realize they‘re not in Kansas anymore.

I know walking is great exercise, I just don’t get the same exhilaration and sense of satisfaction I achieve from running. Even when it’s hot outside and the run is exhausting, it’s still a good run. Walking is just right foot, left foot until I want to throw myself on the ground and roll home. But then again, that’s what got me here in the first place.

P.S. Many thanks to those who read my blog last week and checked in to make sure I was still alive. I may have to add you to my ECN list.

I took a tumble yesterday. It all started with spilling my water bottle in my office. I jumped up to grab the papers on the floor (don’t judge me) so they didn’t get wet, slipped on the water, and things went to hell in a handbasket after that. Further proving most accidents happen in the home.

When I slipped, I fell onto my desk (aka parson’s table) which then turned over, sending my computer, lamp, candle, marble coaster, and myriad other desk adornments to the floor, including me. Had the Russian judge been there, I’m pretty sure I would have scored at least a 9.2.

I’m happy to report, no bones were broken as a result of this colossal fail. I’m bruised, sore, and it feels like I was run over by a dump truck, but no pins, plates, or casts were required. (IYKYK) Either my bones have gotten stronger as I’ve aged (highly unlikely), or I’ve finally learned the fine art of falling gracefully (also highly unlikely).

As I so often do, I looked up the word tumble in the dictionary. Webster says:

• To fall suddenly and helplessly
• To suffer a sudden downfall or defeat
• To decline suddenly and sharply
• To fall into ruin
• To turn end over end in falling
• To roll over and over
• To perform gymnastic feats.

Nailed it!

Have you ever:

Accidently looked in the magnified side of your makeup mirror?

Felt a scratch on your cheek only to discover it’s actually a really deep wrinkle?

Been told, “At your age, light is your friend?”

Wore your yoga pants inside out?

Locked yourself out of your house twice in one week?

Saw your reflection in a storefront window and thought you saw your mom?

Forgotten the one thing you went to the store for in the first place?

Left the drive-through without your food?

Remembered you forgot (fill in the blank)?

Only wore one earring?

Had a cashier say, “You’re eligible for the senior discount, right?”

Been asked to count backwards from 100 by 7?

Lost something you put in a “safe place” where you wouldn’t forget it?

Had a salesclerk at Sephora suggest a product for “aging skin?”

Wish you could remember what you forgot?

Bought alcohol without being carded?

Sneezed and peed at the same time?

If not, lucky you…enjoy it while you can!