WORDS TO LIVE BY

It’s been a minute since I published my last blog, actually six months, but who’s counting?

As most of you know, I had a stint in the big house in June (hospital, not prison), and it’s taken a bit to regain my mojo. Six months is a long time, but it has been time well spent. During those 180 days, I evaluated my priorities and made some life-changing decisions.

After eight years of leading guided meditation walks at the Denver Botanic Garden, I resigned, kind of. They have an annex much closer to my house, and I’m going to do a four-week children’s meditation series there in June. That excites me. Driving downtown Denver at 5pm eleven months a year for eight years, not so much.

My private grief counseling practice is going well, however, I had to make some adjustments there, too. For a while, I was available 8 hours a day, 5 days a week – no time for fun or frolicking. (I’m not sure I actually frolic but I like the sound of it!) It was obvious another adjustment was needed. I now schedule clients Tuesday through Thursday. The schedule change makes for a busy few days, but it also allows for time to do the things I enjoy with family and friends.

This blog even became a source of stress. I started writing it 4 years ago just because I love creative writing and it was fun. Eventually, I made it a task that would weigh heavy on my mind if I didn’t have a topic to share every Friday. Keep in mind, I wasn’t getting paid to write and it was something I wanted to do, not had to do. So here’s the deal going forward: If I have something to say, I will. Otherwise, as my friend, Helen, would say, “Keep calm and carry on.”

I could go on but I’m sure you get the picture. As I have a tendency to do, I realized I had taken things I used to do for pleasure and made them tasks I dreaded. I’m good at that! I also recognized I was feeling pressure to do things no one else was expecting but me. Been there? Done that?

I’m not a resolution person but there are a few things that excite me about 2025:

Clean slate                                                  Fresh start                                         More time to frolic.

I tried to watch the debate this week. I made it to the first break. By that time, I was so disgusted by the behavior, rudeness, and disregard for common courtesy, I turned off the television and spent time praying.

I want to be an informed voter. I want to understand the issues. I want to make an educated decision. I also want truth, fairness and decency. Is that too much to ask? I am searching for resources that will present information without bias. It’s so discouraging to fact check a statement from one source then see it disputed on another. Where is the truth? If you know of a reliable, unbiased, factual resource, please let me know.

I will never, ever run for public office but I would love the chance to moderate a debate. My suggestion would be rather than muting the microphones, tasers would be used when speakers do not honor the agreed upon time limits. Now that’s something that would be worth watching!

There is a gentleman in our neighborhood that operates a motorized wheelchair using a mouthpiece. I see him all around town. I’ve noticed him watching the golfers at our local club, I’ve seen him at music venues with his wife, and he spends hours tooling around on our many bike/running paths. On days when it’s bloody hot, I see him resting under a shade tree for some relief, but he’s out there.

I’ve also been watching the Paralympics. Those women and men are amazing. Not only are they tremendous athletes, they succeed in spite of their differently-abled bodies.

I tell you all this because I am embarrassed. When the weather is blistering hot, I don’t run. I try to get outside before the heat sets in, but if I’m too late, I’m out. I may go for a short walk, but only because my pup requires it. (Even she doesn’t like the heat.) Did I mention there are two gyms within walking distance of my home, and a friend has a dreadmill in her basement that she offers carte blanche? I really have no excuse.

On days when I am reminded how challenging life can be for some people, I count my blessings and thank the Lord for my good health and able body. I appreciate all I’ve been given, but evidently not enough to get my sorry butt off the couch and out the door. Maybe when it’s cooler!

I’m thrilled with the newfound popularity of e-bikes; it’s great seeing my generation enjoying the great outdoors. That said, some riders must not have learned the cycling rules of the road when they were younger:

When passing another cyclist, runner, or walker, it is customary and courteous to announce, “On your left” or “On your right” which ever applies.

That is all!

Breathing is a natural instinct each of us performs approximately 22,000 times a day (according to Ms. Google). It’s also something we rarely think about; it’s just part of living. For some time now, I’ve been acutely aware of breathing. During grief counseling sessions, I observe how clients are breathing. Are their breaths deep and cleansing or shallow and negligible? Sometimes I wonder if they are breathing at all.

My meditation practice has taught me the benefits of diaphragm breathing. When we breathe deeply through our nose for 3 counts, hold the breath for three counts, then exhale through our mouth for three counts, we are diaphragm breathing. It’s not rocket science, but the benefits are astronomical.

Diaphragm breathing provides a reset of our emotions:

Feeling angry, breathe.
Feeling afraid, breathe.
Feeling sad, breathe.
Feeling hurt, breathe.
Feeling misunderstood, breathe.
Feeling confused, breathe.
Feeling exhausted, breathe.
Feeling hopeless, breathe.

Breathing can provide rest and relief. It’s like a magic elixir that’s light as a feather but powerful beyond measure. The next time you are at a stand-still, crossroad, or the end of your rope, try breathing.

I’ve been a runner for 30+ years. I still remember the thrill of running a mile without stopping. And then I ran three…five…thirteen, and 782 miles in 18 weeks training for a marathon.

Running has included breathtaking sunrises, a frozen field that looked like sparkling diamonds, a mare giving birth to a foal right before my eyes, and more majestic trees than I can count. I’ve fallen, sprained ankles, broken bones, and still never lost my love of running. I use running as an anti-depressant, an opportunity to solve the problems of the world, and solace. I’m a better mother, friend, and human when I run on a regular basis.

Recently, both my daughter and son have begun sharing their running accomplishments. They call me with their latest “splits” (aka running speak for ‘times’), and report their mileage increases and running victories. In fact, several of my nieces are runners, too. It must run in the family (pun intended).

Many people have commented, “I could never be a runner.” My response is always, “Sure you can. It’s just right foot, left foot and a little faster or a whole lot faster than walking.” Try it…you might like it!

What is it about an election that brings out the nasty in some people? There doesn’t seem to be another occasion that results in as much venom and vitriol, regardless of what party one supports. It is mind boggling to see and hear perfectly lovely people become rabid with contempt for a particular person or persons based on their political affiliation.

I think the media plays a significant role in this dilemma. Sound bytes are edited to create a message that may, or may not, accurately represent the speaker’s intent. Photographs are taken at just the right moment that depict candidates at their very worst…and then the picture is circulated throughout the land as a representation of some enraged, deranged person.

I believe those running for office also contribute to the milieu. Why, when someone is standing before a microphone, do they feel the need to yell? Yelling is disturbing to me. In case no one has explained, microphones amplify a speaker’s voice – no yelling required.

I love that people are passionate about politics. I want to hear both sides of the debate, and when people send me articles about a particular issue, I read them. In order to fulfill my civic duty, and maintain what’s left of my sanity, I’ve made the following decisions:

I will not read anything about politics on social media,
If you are yelling, I will mute you,
I will find unbiased, factual sources to educate myself about the issues (seems like an oxymoron but I’m hopeful),
I will still love you no matter who you vote for.

There is a wildfire burning a few miles from my house. I’m not in immediate danger but when a friend suggested packing a bag “just in case,” I did. It was an interesting exercise in priorities and possessions. Here are the things I packed in one overnight bag:

My grandmother’s rosary
My Bible in a Year workbook (because I’m on day 217 so I’m not stopping now)
A running shirt, shorts, and shoes
Airpods
A little jewelry box with special pieces (and not the other 2 jewelry boxes full of stuff I never wear…which begs the question, “Why do I have 3 jewelry boxes?”)
My makeup bag and toothbrush
My hearing aids
My list of passwords
My digital picture frame with 884 pictures I treasure.

Upon further reflection, I probably should have included my passport, social security card, and my computer.

The fire is now contained, and I’ve unpacked my bag. However, it was interesting to note that everything I really treasured fit in a travel bag measuring 19”L X 8”W X 13”H. Things that make you go, “Hmmm”

If we are fortunate to live a long life, it is inevitable that tough decisions will have to be made.

Deciding if and when to retire requires some serious deliberation and a crystal ball. Do you take early retirement and forego an increase in Social Security? Do you keep working past your expiration date to maximize your pension? Do you have enough money to live out your days in comfort? Is there ever such a thing as enough?

The decision to retire also begs the question, What will I do with my time if I don’t have a 9-5? For many, our job gives us purpose and meaning. The thought of retiring may require some serious introspection. Who am I without my title? What’s next? It can be really difficult to imagine 24 hours without a schedule. Retirement is a luxury for some and loathsome for others.

Along with the inevitable questions about retirement, there are other life-altering decisions that may be required. Do you stay in your home or downsize? Do you downsize or consider a senior living facility? What about all of your treasures? I’ve read many articles lately that start with, “Your kids don’t want your stuff.”

And then there’s the dreaded issue of relinquishing the car keys. If you’ve ever had that conversation with an aging relative or friend, you know it is rarely pleasant. Is there a certain age when driving should be against the law? Does the inevitable fender bender or mysterious dent constitute losing one’s autonomy and independence? The decision may come down to a risk-benefit analysis that may be unwelcome and ignored.

On Sunday, we learned President Biden would not seek re-election. Talk about the mother of all decisions! That too, was inevitable. Sooner or later, everyone has to leave the White House – some more graciously than others. I’m guessing his loved ones and trusted advisors contributed to the discussion. If you think a conversation about not driving is hard, imagine telling the President of the United States he should retire. Kudos to you, Mr. President. Thank you for your service and for your willingness to give up the keys.

I moved to Colorado 10 years ago; seems hard to believe. The decision to uproot my life, again, wasn’t easy. There were many factors that contributed to my eventual move. My marriage had ended, I had finally graduated from college, and my position at work had been eliminated because why would patients diagnosed with cancer and their family need a social worker? Some outcomes were bitter, some made my life better.

After deciding to create a completely new life, there were questions that helped me evaluate my options. Now that I have a private practice working with clients, many of whom are making huge life adjustments, I use those same questions to help them assess their choices:

How long have you been considering a change?
Are thoughts of change a result of a temporary rough patch, a sudden loss, or years of dissatisfaction?
Who else is impacted by your decision?
Do you have the financial resources to support this decision?
Where/when/how will this change take place?
What outcome are you hoping to achieve?
And finally, as Brene Brown suggests: What would you do if you knew you could not fail and, what’s worth doing even if you fail?

The answers to these questions are as individual as the people asking them. Rarely are these kinds of decisions black or white. Life is usually several shades of gray depending upon the day, situation, and those involved. Unless someone is in an abusive, life-threatening situation, I recommend taking your time, breathing deeply, and listening to your head and heart. Praying can’t hurt either.