WORDS TO LIVE BY

I started 2024 doing hard things. They may not seem difficult to others, but for me, they brought a sense of satisfaction and pride. I like starting the new year with success.

I am not tech savvy. In fact, I will procrastinate and vacillate ad nauseam rather than tackle any project that involves technology. Despite the assurance from others that, “It’s no big deal,” I will avoid making technological changes until I am practically forced to do so, until last week.

I decided to cancel cable television and use an antenna to watch TV programs. Truth be told, other than CBS Sunday Morning and football, I rarely watch TV. The enjoyment of cable did not justify the monthly expense, so I decided to make a change.

The first thing I did was cancel cable. That, alone, was an accomplishment. Those people that work for cable companies are relentless. They offered reduced rates, more channels, and a partridge in a pear tree if I would continue my subscription. I am proud of myself for not succumbing to their enticements. I even disconnected all the cable apparatus and returned it that same day so I would not be tempted to accept their generous “one-time” offers.

Next, I installed (actually plugged in) the external antenna. As was predicted, it was ridiculously simple. I even programmed the channels correctly. The only problem that remains is the fact my PBS channel is in Spanish!

My final quest was to install Apple TV. What a nightmare. The equipment sent from Amazon was used. Unfortunately, the prior owner failed to erase ALL of his personal information including email, friend’s emails, login, and Internet password. If you know Fazel Aziz, you might want to let him know. Thus, I could not enter my personal information. To make matters worse, the Apple TV was a gift, and arrived without an order number. I spent hours (truly, hours) on the phone with Amazon trying to return the item. The fact that I remained patient and composed with the Amazon customer dis-service people deserves an award. There’s something about appearing in a TikTok video as an enraged maniac that discouraged me from expressing my true feelings. Thank you social media.

Once the new equipment arrived, it was a simple set-up, especially since I’d already practiced it a gazillion times trying to get the first Apple TV to work. All of that to watch The Morning Show and Ted Lasso. I kind of miss the replay and recording options available on cable, but not enough to revisit the wacky world of Direct TV. Saving money and being fiscally responsible is hard.

As many of you know, each year I choose a word to be my touchstone for the next 365 days. Over the years I’ve chosen: Patience, Curious, Faith, Serenity, and Embrace, just to name a few. Last year, I was really ambitious and chose 3 words: Acceptance Without Judgment. I don’t know what I was thinking. Although I failed more often than I care to admit, I did at least recognize my shortcomings sooner, and I was able to stop myself before I plunged headfirst into the deep end. To say the least, this will continue to be a work in progress.

My word for 2024 is presence. I want to be present in my relationships with others. I want to minimize multitasking and focus on the moment. I don’t want to miss the present because I’m agonizing over the past or worrying about the future. I want to slow down and savor life.

I’ll check back in a few months to let you know how it’s going.

What’s your word?

This year, I kept track of things big and small. I wanted to remember the momentous occasions and the everyday moments that made my heart smile:

January – My mom turned 90 and she’s as healthy and active as I am. I can only hope! Survived a near-death experience driving to Breckenridge to snowshoe with my friend, Michelle.

February – CHIEFS won the Super Bowl!! Flew to KC to brainstorm with Robin about co-hosting a podcast. Finally got Covid (in that exact order). Thanks for the memories, KC.

March – Began co-hosting The Problem With Perfect podcast. Started attending Nar-Anon meetings. Made it through another SAD season.

April – This quote was brought to mind, “You may be done with your past, but your past isn’t done with you.” IYKYK

May – Bought a new car. Traveled to San Diego for some much-needed beach time (and to visit Matthew). Created and facilitated a children’s meditation program for the Denver Botanic Garden. Completed 75 Hard (and it was).

June – Traveled to Minnesota to visit my goddaughter, Alex, and to tour Mayo Clinic (because if you work in healthcare, you tour world-renowned medical facilities for fun). Also, flew to Oregon with my grandson, Rhys, on his 16^th birthday and my 71st.

July – Picked up my new car and drove to Columbia to celebrate my friend, Jahne. Met with some of my fave COMO friends. Decided to go on a mission trip to India.

August – Rode with a 16yo driver. Need I say more?!

September – Enjoyed a drive-by from Robin. Had the battery in my pacemaker replaced; I should be good for another 50,000 miles. Interviewed my grandson, Colin, for the podcast.

October – Flew to Phoenix to support Matthew’s first Half Iron Man. His graciousness in the face of adversity and disappointment was inspiring. Started getting a multitude of vaccinations for India.

November – Missed Thanksgiving. Traveled 8500 miles to India. Toured the Taj Mahal. Got Covid, again. Made new friends and a lifetime of memories.

December – Celebrated Christmas with my family and thanked God (and my lucky stars) for another year of good health and much happiness.

🥂Happy New Year!🥂

With Christmas just days away, some of you may be out of ideas for gift-giving. These are gifts you can give any day of the year, but Christmas seems like an especially appropriate time to gift others with a healthy, happy life.

I’ve tried to make it as simple as possible. If one (or all) interest you, just click on the link and sign up:

Blood donor: https://vitalant.org

Organ donor: https://organdonor.gov

Bone marrow donor: https://bethematch.org

Cornea donor: https://restoresight.org

Live donor for kidney transplant: https://kidney.org

Live donor for liver transplant: https://liverfoundation.org

Live donor for lung transplant: https://lung.org.

Saving a life is a pretty awesome gift AND you don’t have to worry about refunds or exchanges.

🎄🎄🎄

Christmas has really snuck up on me this year. My trip to India at the end of November put the holidays on warp speed. I still find myself thinking people are rushing Christmas when, in fact, it’s still on the 25th of December, just like it’s always been.

This has been a hard year for many of my friends. The first holidays after the loss of a loved one can be especially painful. Truth be told, the 2^nd, 5^th, 10^th and 20^th year can be difficult, too. I spoke about grief and the holidays at a conference last week. Several attendees reminded me there are all kinds of losses that make the holidays less merry and bright. Distance, divorce, finances, and fractured relationships were just a few of the hardships people mentioned.

This year, if you know someone who isn’t “going home,” or will be alone for Christmas, consider inviting them to your house. When my children would spend Christmas with their dad, my sister and her family, and my friends, Jessie and Rick, graciously included me in their family festivities. I will be forever grateful for their kindness. If you know someone who is grieving, a simple “Thinking of You” card, call, or text can mean a lot. And if you aren’t a fan of the holidays, just know this will all be over in 9 more days.

While in India, our mission team visited the schools established by the John Foundation. The foundation was established in 2007 when Saji John and his wife opened their home to two girls who were abandoned on the streets of Hyderabad. Since its inception, the foundation has expanded to include 27 children’s homes housing 292 children, a back-to-school program for approximately 685 children of single moms, 27 tutorial centers for 700+ children whose parents are illiterate, and a vocational program whereby 8,345 young men and women have successfully completed training in 17 government-certified skills. In addition, each year, approximately 200 girls are rescued from sex trafficking and temple prostitution. Currently, 363 students attend the John’s Academy School, and 5 businesses have been established and are thriving to help support 66% of the operational costs for the school programs.

Saji John is a true visionary. Every program, school, and housing development is designed to enrich the lives of young people associated with the John Foundation. Without the education and skills training provided by the foundation, those children and young women would have no hope for a better future.

In addition to all I learned of the John Foundation, there were other wonders I witnessed:

Despite their dire poverty, the people we visited in India shared their food with generosity and graciousness,
Although Indians eat with their hands, utensils are optional,
Protein bars will keep you alive once you’ve maxed out on Indian food,
It is possible to go 14 days without ice and/or diet soda,
You can also go 14 days without reading/hearing the news,
The Taj Mahal is one of the Seven Wonders of the World for good reason,
A taxi ride from Chandigarh to Shimla may be the closest thing to death one can experience and live to tell,
Music really is a universal language,
Even in the midst of the most challenging conditions, smiles, laughter, and blessings prevailed.

I recently returned from a two-week mission trip to India. We flew approximately 8,500 miles to get to our initial destination, and then traveled hundreds of miles throughout the next 14 days to visit other cities. The Planes, Trains and Automobiles movie was frequently referenced. (So was the Dumb and Dumber movie but that’s a story for another day.) To say it was a once-in-a-lifetime trip understates the magnitude of the experience.

Prior to leaving, I made a list of things I was concerned about. I decided to think of the adventure as a pseudo social experiment to see what, if anything, actually came to fruition:

My first concern involved planning. I’m not used to having someone else make all the travel arrangements. Some might call it ‘control,’ I prefer ‘sage advice and helpful suggestions.’ At any rate, I quickly learned to appreciate just going wherever I was told. No decisions were necessary; all I had to do was follow the 6’5” group leader who was easy to spot in a crowd.

My next concern involved traveling with a group for 2 weeks. It felt daunting to think I would be spending 10-12 hours a day with people I hardly knew. I think our shared mission to enrich the lives of others was instrumental in keeping the group cohesive and focused. What I didn’t plan on was the Covid-type symptoms 8 of the 11 in our group experienced. The incessant coughing and sore throats helped us bond in a “special” way. Every morning meeting started with, “How do you feel? How did you sleep? Do you need cough drops, throat lozenges, Ibuprofen?”

I was also worried how my pup, Maggie, would do in my absence. I’m glad to say she was well-loved and cared for by my friend’s husband. He didn’t go on the trip so that his wife could. He stayed home to take care of their pup, and just added Maggie to the pack. While we were gone, he sent pics and updates on the regular. I don’t know who was happier to reunite, me or Maggie.

There was also concern about missing the Chiefs/Eagles game. I recorded it for viewing upon my return, but was unlucky enough to catch the final 4 minutes of the game when we landed in Dehli. (Or was it Chandigarh or Shimla?) I think I’ll just delete the recording without watching it; no sense in suffering twice.

Finally, I was determined not to be an EGR (Extra Grace Required). I guess you would have to ask my fellow travelers if I was successful. Our exhausting travels, illnesses, flight delays, etc., were challenging at times. When my patience and energy waned, I reminded myself of the mantra I set for the trip:

This is something I’ve always wanted to do. ✔️

I found myself mesmerized while listening to a Katie Couric podcast featuring David Brooks. That guy shared some serious pearls of wisdom. I listened to the podcast multiple times, took notes, and bought his book. If you get a chance, I highly recommend the episode (and the book).

Mr. Brooks’ discussion of “broken or broken open” intrigued me. We have all been sad or disappointed: didn’t get the job, failed a test, got a bad haircut. And then there are those moments in life when the death of a loved one, a relationship ending, a catastrophic event, or a health crisis brought us to our knees. Those times when devastating heartache and gut-wrenching pain either broke us or broke us open.

When it comes to being broken or broken open, there doesn’t seem to be a predictable formula for one or the other. There are people who become broken and never recover. Others seem consumed with a sorrow and regret that is almost palpable.

I’ve known many people who were broken by life events. People who could have unequivocally and understandably stayed broken forever. What I find so very intriguing is that those very people, the people who have every reason to remain broken, are often broken open in a way that is almost sacred. Somehow, and against all odds, they find a way to move forward with grace. I am in awe of my family members, friends, and clients who found their way to a meaningful life that includes happiness and joy alongside their grief and loss.

I wish I knew their secret. Is it faith, resilience, superhuman strength? It’s not like they didn’t have a choice because they did; they could have chosen to remain broken forever. Instead, they were broken open and allowed time and memories to assuage their pain. I am humbled by those who chose to thrive in spite of it all. It is a privilege to know you!

I am not a political person. I know it’s important to understand the workings of government. (Is that an oxymoron?) I know there are political agendas that are crucial to the well-being of our country, and to other countries around the world. I know there are political issues that affect me personally. I know all that to be true, I just don’t engage in political debate. As David Brooks said, “Politics is a competition between partial truths,” and I’m smart enough to know, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” At this juncture in time, why anyone would want a career in politics is beyond me. May the best woman, or man, win!

There are people in my family who are passionate about politics. I appreciate their commitment to the cause. I have a friend who is retired after a distinguished career in the military. I don’t always agree with him, but I respect his perspective and hard-earned knowledge about political issues. I know people who have marched, picketed, and gone door-to-door campaigning. I admire those people, too. I may not always agree with their opinions, but I commend their dedication and willingness to advocate for their beliefs, and to do more than just complain or ignore social injustices.

A few weeks ago, my friend, Leora, visited. Leora is of Jewish descent, and in January she spent three weeks in Israel with her family. The timing was fortuitous. I disclosed my ignorance about the Middle East and asked her to explain the history, geography, and political issues involved. I was awed by her ability to explain all that, and more. (She even drew me a map!)

This week, I got a book from the library entitled, No Room for Small Dreams by Nobel Prize recipient Shimon Peres. My hope is that by reading about different cultures, political issues and parties, I will gain a greater understanding of the world. If you know of other books that will contribute to my enlightenment, I would appreciate your recommendations.

I know some might say, “It’s about time.” I prefer, “Better late than never.”

For a very long time, I thought happiness and joy were synonymous. I was wrong. A quick google search explained the difference. “Happiness is ephemeral and temporary. Joy is an emotion.”

Happiness depends. It depends on circumstances, accomplishments, successes, things. When you get the promotion, you will be happy. When you get a new car, you will be happy. When the kids leave home, you will be happy. Happiness is extrinsic, it depends.

Joy is an emotion you feel deep in your soul, it’s intrinsic. Joy is the present moment. Happiness may bring pleasure, but joy brings true contentment to the heart. When I teach kiddos how to meditate it makes me happy; knowing they are learning skills that will help them focus and be peace-filled brings me joy. When my gbabes want to go thrifting, it makes me happy. Spending time with them brings me joy.

Happiness will come and go. Joy is a peace and contentment that comes from the heart and settles in the soul. Choose joy.