S.A.D.

I struggle with depression. To be specific, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, a malady that is often associated with the winter months. Ironically, and appropriately, the acronym for this disorder is SAD.

For me, the onset of SAD coincides with the end of Daylight Savings Time. It’s as if a switch gets flipped the day the clocks ‘fall back,’ and SAD descends. We lose an hour of daylight and gain an hour of sleep – the last thing a depressed person needs. I’ve tried light therapy, medication, and essential oils. I’ve summoned all the positive thoughts I can imagine, read self-help books, listened to podcasts, and even tried tanning beds. Nada.

To make matters worse, this type of depression is often misunderstood and underappreciated. SAD is not obvious like a broken appendage or stitches. Most people do not understand depression and, due to society’s unrelenting emphasis on optimism, those who suffer from SAD usually suffer in silence. Telling people with SAD to ‘cheer up and look on the bright side’ is akin to asking them to change the color of their eyes. On the rare occasion when I’ve divulged my history of depression, the response is often something like, “Really? YOU?” I’m not sure what people think SAD looks like.

I’ve found meditation, exercise, and THC to be the most effective remedies. I also have a few cherished confidants who send “How’s my friend?” texts. They do not cajole or offer advice, they understand there is no magic wand.

In March, the end of SAD season coincided with the start of Covid-19. I felt like I’d been run over by a truck…that had a trailer hooked to it! As the months have elapsed, more and more people have begun talking about the mental health effects of the pandemic. Even Michelle Obama admitted to having a “low-grade depression.” I find comfort in her disclosure. It’s not that I want others to be depressed, it’s just that depression is so isolating. I feel less alone knowing others experience similar symptoms. My hope is that as more people admit to “low-grade depression,” they will bring a greater awareness to this dis-ease.

Maybe we are all in this together after all!