WORDS TO LIVE BY

Growing up with 6 siblings, ‘Go outside and play‘ was a frequent directive. Our house was on a court that included 17 other homes and about 40+ kids to keep each other entertained. Nothing says ‘Catholic community’ like the average family size being at least 4 kids per household. There was always someone to ride bikes with behind the mosquito fogger truck, play baseball with, or initiate a game of hide-n-seek after dark.

As an adult, I’ve gained an even greater appreciation for the outdoors. Hiking, biking, and running are great chances to go outside and play. One of my favorite activities is to run through leaves that have fallen on the sidewalk. There’s just something about that sound that takes me back to my childhood.

As much as I love all the physical activities, my absolute favorite thing to do this time of year is leaf peeping. The fall foliage in Colorado is spectacular. The colors are vibrant and varied. It’s as if someone spray-painted leaves with the brightest colors possible. Sugar maples are crimson red, the Aspens are golden, and the Sumacs are a kaleidoscope of neon red, orange, and yellow. A drive around town or up to the mountains is one of the most beautiful experiences of the year. My only disappointment is that the season is short, and an ill-timed storm or high winds can bring the experience to an abrupt halt. Thank goodness there’s always next year.

Wherever you live, go outside and play. Walk around your neighborhood, hike a trail, or take a road trip before the leaves drop. I promise, nature will not disappoint.

The gbabes and I had an interesting conversation the other day. One of them noted that in a popular movie, the “f word was said 500 times.” I believe that’s what’s called a ‘teachable moment.’

I’ve noticed a subtle change in their vocabulary recently and this seemed like the perfect time to discuss their choice of words. At 16 and 14, the gbabes have begun casually peppering sentences with words that do not present them in the most positive light. Granted, they probably heard most of them from me at one time or another, nonetheless, out of the mouths of gbabes, the words are uncomfortable to hear.

It has long been established they are welcome to connect their music to the Bluetooth in my car, but no songs with profanity are allowed. Since I don’t have a clue who they’re listening to, it’s impressive how they censor themselves and quickly change songs when necessary. I make it a point to thank them for their thoughtfulness.

It’s hard not to preach, especially when I’m guilty too, so we embarked on a game of “Say this, not that.” “What’s another word that means the same thing but doesn’t make you sound like a thug?” “How would Grammy feel if she heard you say that?” “Do you think using that word makes you sound intelligent or illiterate?” I even went so far as to string a few expletives together so they could hear how it sounds; they were appropriately embarrassed and mortified. Point taken!

I think they got the message without feeling shamed. By the end of the evening, they were saying things like, “Golly gee, I strongly dislike this mess.” I’m fairly sure that was for my benefit, but message heard. The other lesson learned was that I need to clean up my act, too! Shucks!

Two of my nieces completed their first road race last weekend and I’m proud of them. I remember those days. The accomplishment of running a mile without stopping; finishing 3 miles without dying; and slowly building mileage until training was over and race day arrived.

I remember the fear and trepidation at the starting line. Doubt and insecurity suddenly became my running partners. Everyone around me looked so excited. Not me. I looked like I was about to puke and we hadn’t even started running. Somewhere around the middle of the race, negative thoughts started creeping in, “What was I thinking?” “Who said this would be fun?” “I’m never, ever doing this again.” And then, there’s the finish line. Smiles from ear to ear appear and a sense of accomplishment and pride overtakes the exhaustion and sore muscles. Next thing you know, you have a medal around your neck and you’re talking about your next race.

I have another friend who was running her first marathon last weekend and I’m proud of her, too. She ran about 700+ miles over the course of several months in preparation to run 26.2 miles last Sunday. She carb loaded, drank copious amounts of water, and spent an unbelievable amount of time training. This girl is built for running with legs for miles and a smile to match. In fact, she was a collegiate athlete just a few years ago. About half-way through her race, her knee became painful. Rather than do permanent damage, she very wisely listened to her body and withdrew from the race. I know she’s disappointed and I don’t blame her. She did everything right; I guarantee you there was no one more prepared than my friend.

Such is life. You can decide to do something you’ve never imagined possible and actually succeed despite your inexperience, doubt, and terror. And, you can be an accomplished expert and life (or a painful knee) gets in the way. There are no guarantees in life but thank goodness there are do-overs.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m proud of these young ladies. All three demonstrated impressive amounts of determination, resilience, and wisdom. I can’t wait to see what they do next.

❤️❤️❤️

It’s hard to turn on the television or peruse social media without hearing from or about Deion Sanders. For those who may have been living under a rock, Deion, aka Coach Prime, was once a famous baseball and football player who is now the football coach for the University of Colorado. During his playing career, Neon Deion was an athletic and media spectacle. His athletic achievements are legendary, and his self-promotion and ego were beyond measure. Revered or reviled, everyone had an opinion.

Fast forward to 2023 and Coach Prime is once again in the limelight. And just like the old days, his presence and persona are controversial. He is coaching a team whose record was 1W-11L last year. (That’s one win and ELEVEN losses for those unfamiliar with football stats.) I’m not sure what it took to convince him to move to Colorado to coach The Bad News Bears but evidently he was intrigued by the challenge. I could be wrong but I don’t believe money was a motivating factor.

Deion rolled into town in his Lamborghini and immediately began dispensing tough love. He encouraged most of the players from the 2022 team to leave; he told the brave few who stayed they might regret their decision. He demands accountability, courtesy, chivalry, and proper clothing attire from every team member. He has explained he will not tolerate tardiness, disrespect, or failing grades. On more than one occasion, he has publicly stated his goal is to graduate men who will be successful in life, not just football. Bravado and brashness aside, his message and mentoring may not result in a winning season but it may produce some mighty fine gentlemen, and that’s a W in my book.

It happened, again, the other day. Someone was telling me about her husband’s unrelenting pain. When I suggested he consider palliative care, she replied, “Oh, no, he’s not dying; he’s just in a lot of pain.” And that’s when I knew it was time for another PSA.

Palliative Care is one of the most misunderstood medical options available. I would venture to say most people think palliative care and hospice are synonymous – they are not. Palliative care is a specialty available to anyone with a serious illness, regardless of age or diagnosis. A palliative team consists of a physician, nurse, social worker, and chaplain. The goal of palliative care is to ameliorate a patient’s physical, emotional, and/or spiritual symptoms. Palliative care services are in addition to traditional medical management of an illness. Patients may continue to seek aggressive care such as surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, etc., while receiving palliative care. Medicare, Medicaid, and most private insurers cover palliative care costs.

I think the best way to describe hospice is to explain it is a subset of palliative care. Like palliative care, hospice includes physicians, nurses, social workers, and chaplains. In addition, hospice volunteers are available to provide companionship for patients, and a brief respite for caregivers. Hospice can be provided in a patient’s home, nursing home, outpatient hospice facility, and in some instances, a hospital. In addition to the medical team, hospice provides equipment such as a hospital bed, oxygen, and wheelchairs. Medications related to the terminal diagnosis and for symptom management are also provided by hospice.

Patients with a life expectancy of six months or less are “hospice appropriate,” regardless of their age or diagnosis. The good news is there’s no penalty if you live too long. Patients are re-certified every 90 days. As long as the disease is progressing as expected, and the patient is not pursuing aggressive treatment, hospice continues. Bereavement services are also available for the patient’s family and continue for 13 months. Hospice services are covered 100% by Medicare, Medicaid, and most private insurers.

During my time in palliative care, I heard the same statements repeatedly: “I had no idea something like this existed,” and “I wish I would have known about this sooner.” I continue to advocate for palliative services every chance I get. Often, it takes the patient/family asking their physician about palliative care before it is initiated.

For those considering hospice, I have known many patients who lived longer, and certainly better, foregoing aggressive treatment and focusing on symptom management and quality of life rather than quantity of days. If you would like more information, please reach out to https://www.nhpco.org. If you want to make sure your wishes are honored, complete an Advance Directive, your family will thank you.

If you know me, you know I love football. Football season is often the highlight of my year, or at least among my top 5 faves. Life without football would be meh!

I think football offers a lot of life lessons even if you don’t like the game. The importance of teamwork is paramount to football. An efficient, well-coached team is like a symphony; it takes every player performing at their best to be successful. Football also teaches the importance of cooperation. The players must depend on each other through good times and bad. No one gets to quit or give up just because the game’s not going well.

This week was a big week in football. Aaron Rogers, a long-time Packers qb, was starting for the NY Jets. The hype was off the charts. For almost a year, the media covered every aspect of his transition. The team practiced diligently to accommodate Rogers’ style and abilities. The fans had high hopes they would finally have a winning team. (It’s been a minute since Joe Namath was on the field.) Then it happened, four plays into his debut, Aaron Rogers got hurt and is out for the rest of the season. And just like that, despair set in for Jets fans around the world.

Once again, football imitates life. We can study, practice, and do everything right, and still not achieve success. Likewise, you can be the back-up qb that few people have ever heard of and lead the team to victory. Never underestimate anyone; everyone has unique gifts.

Last year, we watched as a player experienced a cardiac event on the field. What had been touted as “the game of the year” suddenly became a profound reminder that life is fragile. Thankfully, the player recovered. Hopefully, the millions who witnessed the event remember to cherish every heartbeat.

I’m not much for watching television, but for the next five months, I will be tuned into as many games as possible and thoroughly enjoying the greatest show on turf! (IYKYK)

Go Chiefs!

🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈

‘Age before beauty’ used to be something that was said when holding the door for someone or when letting them move in front of you in line. Although often accompanied by a nicety, the premise was an either/or proposition. You were either old or pretty, but you couldn’t be both.

I’m reminded that I’m aging on the daily. I’m watching an amazing Netflix documentary about centenarians entitled Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones, and I’m taking notes. During one of the episodes, I was informed the average life expectancy for women is 78 and I started counting…7 more years. Jimmy Buffet died last week at the age of 76…5 more years. I certainly hope I beat the “average,” but I’m painfully aware there’s no guarantee.

Against all odds, I’m happy to say I am finding the beauty in aging. I will be the first to admit I’m not one for celebrating birthdays, or for being told, “You look good for your age.” That said, as I age, I am finding beauty in the simplest of things. A bluebird sky in Colorado is a sky like none other. I will stop my morning run, mid stride, to breathe in the scent of a lilac bush. I appreciate the luxury of reading an entire book over the course of a weekend without guilt or shame. I say “Yes” to more invites from friends, and I cherish family dinners.

I wish I could say I don’t worry anymore; let’s just say I worry a lot less than I used to. My memory isn’t as sharp as days of yore, but given enough time, I usually remember whatever it is I forgot. Even that is a gift of aging. I once had a mind like a steel trap, and every unpleasant memory, hurtful comment, or disappointment could be revisited at a moment’s notice. I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of forgetfulness and the fact that it’s time to let that sh*t go.

I’ve found a church that feeds my soul, and my reliance on faith has grown exponentially. I can meditate, pray, and be present with others without having to worry about time constraints. Pretty much, my time is my own…how wonderful is that?! Once again, the beauty of aging. Don’t get me wrong. Would I love a do-over? Absolutely. Would I like to be 30, or 40, or 50 again? You bet. Since those ships have sailed, I know my best option is to be grateful for my health, my family, friends and faith, and whatever years I’m blessed with in the future.

John Mayer says, “If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just, Congratulations about your face.” I’ll take aging and loving over pretty any day.

I haven’t been exercising much lately for a number of reasons. First, it’s been 2000 degrees outside. Second, my pacemaker needs to be replaced. Third, let’s be honest, those are just excuses. I haven’t been exercising much lately because I just didn’t feel like it.

During my sabbatical from exercise, I’ve noticed several things:
I’m not sleeping well,
My clothes are getting smaller,
The employees at local fast food restaurants know me by name,
I’m just plain blah,
I am exhausted from doing nothing.

I finally had a serious talk with myself and said, “Self, enough is enough.”

Here’s my plan:
If I can’t run, I can walk,
If I can’t lift heavy, I can lift light,
I will exercise or stretch every day, even when I don’t want to,
I will not go on a strict diet, give up the foods I love, or shame myself if I have a Diet Pepsi (girl’s got to live),
I will not let a number on the scale define me,
I will not have unrealistic expectations or expect to be fit as a fiddle by next Thursday (even fiddles have to be tuned occasionally).

Here’s what I know for sure, I will feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally when I return to a healthy lifestyle. So here’s to a swift kick in the butt and dogged determination. I’ll keep you posted.

Health is wealth!

This month on The Problem With Perfect podcast, Robin and I created a series about the many mental health issues students are experiencing. During each episode, we interviewed counseling specialists who shared insight into the world of tweens and teens. The information shared by the professionals was daunting:

Disordered eating can begin as early as 10 years of age; 1 in 5 teens diagnosed with an eating disorder will complete suicide,
Anxiety, depression, and perfectionism are epidemics in the tween/teen population,
Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10 to 14 and the third leading cause of death among 15-to-24-year-olds,
In the U.S., 20 young people die by suicide every day,
Social media has become an addiction resulting in loneliness, sleep deprivation, isolation, and poor body image.

Although the statistics were staggering, parents, teachers, counselors, coaches, and communities were offered these recommendations:
Listen with love and patience,
Don’t be afraid to bring up the tough topics,
Get involved,
Recognize that times have changed since you were in school,
Check in often.

We also went straight to the source and spoke with a high school freshman, a high school senior, and a college freshman who offered these pearls of wisdom:
It’s okay for parents to be strict,
If you respect teachers, they will respect you,
Use a planner and don’t wait until the last minute to complete assignments,
Doing well in school creates life skills that will be beneficial as an adult,
Send money.

Although this may seem like a shameless plug for the podcast, it is not. We were overwhelmed by the information gleaned. I hope you will take a few minutes to listen and to share these episodes. If not for you, do it for your loved ones, students, athletes, and community. You might just save a life.

I’ve been wasting a lot of time lately. Not just a minute or two, but hours, and sometimes entire days spent doing whatever I dang well please. Although I’ve had to work hard to resist the guilt that sometimes creeps in during these forays into leisure, laziness, call it what you will, it’s getting easier by the day.

Why is it that wasting time feels shameful rather than sensible? Where in the Book of Humans does it say we must be busy at all times? When did having every moment scheduled become the norm rather than the exception?

The women in my family (and most of my dear friends) share a propensity for busyness. Call it hereditary, birds of a feather, whatever. We all seem to be afflicted with the silly notion that pursuit and purpose trump (not that trump) time spent doing absolutely nothing. I’m here to break the cycle.

I realize I have the luxury of time. I’m retired (kind of). I don’t work outside the home, and my kids are grown. If you are reading this and you aren’t in that season of life, fear not, it will happen, and usually much sooner than you expected.

Here are some suggestions for wasting time courtesy of someone who’s getting pretty good at it, if I do say so myself:

Block off one day a week to do nothing
If an entire day is impossible, block off one hour (baby steps)
If necessary, hide in a closet for a minute and take 3 deep breaths in silence
Sit on your deck or porch and watch the sun rise and/or set
Resist the urge to say “Yes” to requests for your time
Watch hummingbirds – they are nature’s way of reminding us to stop every once in a while for sustenance and self-care.